Her, Me, or Them?

So Daphne isn't doing too well at school. She's three, and she's already having problems at school.

First, she came home from her second day of preschool and told me she had gotten a time out. She described the incident in detail. It went something like this: "Mommy I got time out. I take the chair and the boy fall and bonk his head. Then teacher make a grumpy face and I so crying." When I asked the teacher about it, she said it went down pretty much just like that.

The next time I picked her up, the teacher was a sub, and I asked, "So how did Daphne do today?" Her response was, "Well, she tried." "What do you mean?" I asked. She said that Daphne had a hard time sitting still and listening to instructions. This, I know. This is one of the two reasons I sent her to preschool at age 3. She's smart, and I figured she'd learn her letters and numbers and stuff in 4 year old preschool just fine. But the one thing, well two things, I knew she needed work on before that were 1) Sitting still and following instructions. I learned this because every time I looked in on her at church nursery, all the kids were sitting in their chairs for singing time and Daphne was running in circles around them. But the weird thing is, she's not hyper. Spirited, yes. Hyper, no. At home she listens to instructions fine. She sits still to color for long periods of time, plays with her toys quietly for long periods of time, watches shows without wiggling hardly at all. And she does what she's told. There are consequences at our house and she knows it. But at church, maybe not. At preschool, I don't know. She is very clever and I would not put it past her to work the system. If someone isn't firm with her, I can see her not listening. 2) Socialization. She is the eldest child so she doesn't play with other kids or watch their examples at home. And she rarely plays with other kids outside the home. There is one other kid in our neighborhood close to her age (8 months older) and they play together twice a week. But he's a very meek boy. So there aren't a lot of struggles between them. But when Daphne gets around other kids or groups of kids, like nursery or preschool, I can see that she doesn't really know how to communicate with them and share with them. So I wanted her to go to preschool to learn appropriate behavior with other kids.

So both of those issues are clearly coming up in preschool. This shouldn't surprise me. But I swear nearly EVERY time I go to pick her up lately, the teacher tells me she has had a time out. Tuesday it was for not sitting still during reading time. So she got a time out, which meant she came up front and sat next to the teacher. And the teacher told me that Daphne wasn't phased by this at all. Well, Daphne is super adult-oriented. She really likes to play to adults. So my guess is that she saw that "time out" as a reward, a chance to sit up front and be close to Teacher.

Then Thursday they said she had been fighting with another child over toys. WTH??? I realize she's supposed to be working on these issues--that's why I sent her. But I'm starting to feel like i have a troubled child when she comes home almost every day with a story about how she got time out or when the teacher tells me she has all these issues.

So...is it her? Is it me? Or is it them? Are they not strict enough? Is she a problem child and I'm in denial? Or am I not doing something at home (or doing something wrong at home) that is causing these problems? I'm a first-timer, so what should I think of all this? Do I need to be having de-briefings after every day of school? Should I be giving double time outs at home? Help me! I'm seriously clueless.