The Mouths of Babes

We used to show Daphne these little Americana videos about Johnny Appleseed and John Henry all the time. It had been a while since we had put one on, so I decided to test her memory one day before playing them for her:
Me: Daphne, what does John Henry do?
Daphne: Um…I dunno.
Me: What does he have in his hand?
Daphne: A hammer!
Me: And what does he do with it?
Daphne: He hamms!
Pretty decent logic.


Daphne: “Mommy, the kitty is mean! She scratched me and she is NOT my best friend. Now you’re my best friend.”
Well, at least I’m a runner-up.


As I was getting ready to work out one day, I was putting on my thong underwear. (It creeps up less). Daphne came in and saw me and said, “Mommy, your bum doesn’t fit in those underwear.” Thanks, Hon. That’s why I’m going to the gym.


After returning home from preschool on St.Patrick’s Day, Daphne and I had this conversation:
Daphne: Mommy! We learned about leprechauns today!
Me, pleased : Oh good. What’s a leprechaun?
Daphne: It looks like a jaguar and it likes candy!
Me, concerned: Like a jaguar?
Daphne: Yes, like a jaguar who hides in the bushes. And he gives us gold. But he doesn’t want to give us gold. So he eats it.
Me: Ahhh, I see.
I think I might need to speak to her preschool. Clearly they have this holiday all wrong.


For dinner one day, I made biscuits with homemade creamy chicken sauce on top. After taking a bite, then spitting it out, Daphne said, “Mommy, that’s the worst dinner you ever made!” Really? I thought it was delicious. Silly me.


This is the first year we have told our kids about the Easter Bunny. Last year even Daphne was too young to get it. So after hyping it up for several weeks before hand, I was excited to see a clip on the morning news the Friday before Easter where the anchorman was hanging out with the Easter Bunny. So I paused the TV and excitedly yelled to Daphne to come see who was on the TV. She came running in and I said, “Daphne, look who’s on the TV!!” She looked at TV and gasped dramatically, then she exclaimed, “Wow! A giant bunny costume!” Dangit. Too smart for her own good.


And here is one thing that is funny that Beck says… With a very serious voice, and a very serious look on his face, he comes up to me now and then and says, “Mommy. I got trrrrouble.” It always makes me laugh to wonder what kind of serious trouble a 2 year old has.