Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Selective Amnesia?




So imagine it was your birthday. And the whole family had gotten together—grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins—to celebrate yours and several other birthdays that clustered around the same time of the year. And imagine there was a certain member of the family who got presents for everyone else whose birthday was being celebrated, but not yours. And imagine this same person had forgotten your birthday at least two years consecutive to this one. Maybe three. Yet you had remembered their birthday, their spouse’s birthday, and all their kids’ birthdays, every year. Would you be offended? Would you assume that they didn’t like you? Or that they were just careless and didn’t notice (yours is the earliest of the birthdays being celebrated)? Again? Would you decided it was time to make a statement and “forget” their birthday? Or would you assume there was some reasonable explanation for it and you should just let it slide?

18 comments:

tiburon said...

I would punch them in the face.

SO said...

I would like to say that I would do what Tib would do but that's not me. I would suffer quietly. And probably so some passive aggressive crap.

Kristina P. said...

How close to this family member are you? We don't really do gifts in my family.

I might suggest a roundhouse to the face instead. But honestly, I would just stop buying them gifts.

Chadlock said...

Stop buying gifts!

Shawn said...

I would post a blog about them and then tell everyone nasty things about them behind their back.


That would make me feel better... :)

Kristine said...

Ugg. I would hate that!! I would probably cry then I would simply forget about them until they remembered me. But I don't know, that might be petty.

My MIL does nothing for my boys birthdays and it hurts my feelings. Just because she is far away doesn't mean she can't make an effort to call! It probably would mean more to me than them at this point, but its still hard :(

I'm sorry.

Tanja said...

I think I would conveniently forget their birthday and
their spouses birthday.

Seriously, they can at least send or bring a card or phone you!

MiaKatia said...

I would be offended, or at least hurt. I would probably cry too, but that is what I do when I am angry and hurt. Then I would probably just get over it, cause that is what I do too.

Suzie said...

Just think, this post wouldn't exists if this person was more thoughtful. I guess you could thank them for giving you something to blog about??? In fact, send them a Thank You card!

p.s. I would stop buying them gifts.

Kenny and Kelli Ray said...

It would hurt my feelings...a lot! If no one was getting gifts, fine, but when everyone else seems to be getting one, it seems selective to me. Stop buying them gifts.

Anonymous said...

What's with it with all you women above? Crying and hurting and wanting to slug someone?

Why not go to her and say sweetly, "Is there some way I have deeply offended you? You have forgotten my birthday for the last three years? If I have hurt you in some way, I would surely like to make it up to you so we can be friends."

Then SHE will feel like a major heel, and never forget your birthday again. OR she will say, yes, you hurt me so badly when you did such and such 4 years ago, that I have never gotten over it. And then you can discuss it and make up.

Don't just fume and cry and hate -- ACT! But act kindly and sweetly.

Mindi said...

i'm a total bitch when it comes to this--i could let it slide for a minute or two, but then i would TOTALLY do the 'statement forgetting of bday' to make myself feel vindicated.

totally lame, but that's how i roll.

L. said...

It really hurts me that someone has hurt you, because you are always so generous and kind.

Knowing that Mister just gave you the birthday of a lifetime ought to help some. But it always hurts when you are kind to someone who won't be kind back.

WE all love you!

Kami said...

totally blog worthy! stop giving her gifts and say awww...who needs all that crap I mean stuff anyway. Instead of buying her a gift every year, spend that money on a gift for yourself (something that you really like) and imagine it is from her (if you want)and then you can be in a happy place and let it go.

Omgirl said...

Dear Anonymous,
Actually, going directly to the person demanding gifts defeats the purpose to me. I really want her to get me a gift because of what it symbolizes, not because of the item in the box. It symbolizes that she cares enough to pay attention to these things, to make the effort to pick something she knows I will love, to reciprocate the giving of gifts. It shows respect for social decorum as well as love for the individual and a celebration of them. And you can't force those things or they lose their meaning. If she doesn't care about me that much, it hurts. But I guess I'd rather know that was the truth than guilt her into buying me a present.

Melissa said...

I'm with Tib - punch. And then run

Karyn said...

Seeing how I use to remember everyone's birthday and then just quit sending cards out as I never got one, that's not the best way. In fact I highly don't recommend it. No one noticed I stopped, not one person.
If it means that much to you, you need to find a gentle way of telling them, and then time to let them not be hurt. Giving gifts might not be a way they show affection, or they might have some reason they are unable to do so whether it be money, not knowing what you like (have you ever been unappreciative about what they gave you because you didn't like it?) or hurt.
Love languages can be interesting. It's obvious it's one of your lanuages that fills your love tank up. So find a way to say it to her. Maybe a safe way is to remember a past gift she did give you and tell her how much you cherished it and would love to have more memories like that when you get old. And then let it go and try to notice what she does to show love. What you see might really suprise you.

André said...

Forget they exist and spend the money on you instead of this non-existent person.