Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Mean or Not Mean?


So I have a parenting question for you. Feel free to answer anonymously if you want.

Preface: Daphne stopped napping about 2 months ago. Back when we took her binky away. She had already gone down to 3 or 4 naps a week before that because of preschool. But once the binkies were gone, so were the naps. But I still need some down-time, me-time, TV/internet/nap/recooperate/make phone calls/get things done time. So when naptime comes, I put Beck down, and then I put Daphne down. But most days she just pops right back up a few minutes later. And then she'll come downstairs looking for me, asking for food, wanting me to find a certain toy for her or put on a show for her, etc. So my question is:

Is it mean of me to insist that she have some quiet time? Which is to say, is it mean of me to make her stay in her room without bothering me for at least an hour? Cause honestly, I think she still needs the nap, but if she is willing to stay up in her room and play quietly for an hour, I am not going to force the issue. But I think some people might think I'm mean to make her stay up there and not bug me. So, what do you think? And should there be consequences for coming out during that time? Or just repeated reminders to go back to her room (making it impossible for me to sleep or do anything uninterrupted. But is that the price of motherhood?)

Discuss.

17 comments:

jennie w. said...

It's called "quiet time". Stay in your bed, play with toys, I don't care. But it last for an hour or so. Because what's the alternative--watching TV? How can anybody say that it a better choice?

After quiet time mommy is happier. And a happy mommy is a happier family.

kids + 13 hours straight = burned out mother

CaraDee said...

That is the normal route for kids who are now ditching naps. They do still need that quiet time, just in case. Especially if they'll fall asleep in the car easily. Means they just need that extra push. Not mean at all.

I knew that Eamon needed a nap way after he thought he was through with them. I had to sit in his room on the floor and play sudoku or game boy. Every time he would move or talk, I'd have to tell him to put his arm down, or be quiet. In a few minutes, he would be asleep. Not that you have to do that, it's just what hellboy needed.

SO said...

I do not think it's mean at all. And maybe you could give her incentive to stay in her room by telling her if she stays there she will have something special but if she comes out before the time was up then she doesn't get that something special. Good luck.

Tanja said...

No, it's not mean at all, like Jennie said, it's 'quiet time.' Everybody needs it!

Jen said...

I dont think its mean at all. Mason wouldnt stay in his room though, so we would do quiet time on the couch, he had to stay on the couch laying down for about an hour, he could watch a video, read books but he couldnt get off the couch. It worked for us for a while (about a year) but now that he is five event that doesnt work. He is very independent though so he plays well by himself and stuff. Good luck, its hard when they give up the naps.

Koreena said...

My mom always made me have quiet time as a kid. I had to stay in my room and either nap or read books for one hour. It wasn't a problem for me. I tried the book thing with Matty and it just doesn't keep him occupied for more than 5 minutes. We finally found that works for us is making the living room dark and letting him lay down on the couch with his blankies while he watches a movie or a few TV shows during Jossy's second nap. If I want to take a nap myself I have to do so on the other couch. Sometimes he'll fall asleep, but most often he doesn't.

Suzie said...

I say that is what disney movies are for. They entertain and I get my time. But, FWIW I don't think it is mean to make her stay in her room for a hour.

tiburon said...

I am all about quiet time. I agree that an hour in their room for them to self entertain is better than an hour in front of the TV any day!

rychelle said...

i don't have kids of my own, but when i worked in daycare, we had a "quite time" hour for kids who didn't nap anymore. i think it's perfectly acceptable.

Nicki said...

James just stopped taking naps and I still make him stay in his room until Avery wakes up. If I didn't have that break in the middle of the day I would go crazy, especially on the nights when Ben works.

veronica said...

I agree that "quiet time" is a good thing. A very good thing.

Kristine said...

That is a tough question. I agree with everyone that quiet time is a necessity, but that IS my kids TV time. I tried the stay in your room thing for a little while, but I got tired of all the clothes being pulled out of drawers onto the floor, peeing on the floor because he knew it would get him out of his room, banging the closet door open and shut, slamming the blinds against the window. You get the idea. So for quiet time at my house, Josh gets to watch a movie or play games on the computer. And I shower, get things done, jump on the computer, etc. :) Do what works for you and your kid.

Melissa said...

I totally enforced the quiet time and in fact still do. Seriously, kids need to have it. I think it's good for them to have time with just themselves, books, toys or something quiet. Not mean at all!

Christie said...

There is nothing wrong with making her have quiet time. My daycare lady makes all the kids have it, whether they sleep or not. You need it for your sanity.

L. said...
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André said...

I'm still trying to find when I can get a nap or even some quiet time for myself. And to answer your question - not mean.

Shawn said...

Not mean---no way---makes for happiness all around!