Not a Funny Post

I should be blogging about how great my vacation to Vegas and St.George was. I should be trying to be witty and original. But you know what? I'm not in the mood. I had a crappy day. And that's all I feel like blogging about. If you don't want to hear it, come back in a few days for the funny, witty, original posts. Otherwise, grab a chair and polish up your "poor you" comments.

I can't even chalk it up to any one thing (except maybe a hormonal cliff dive). Today was just everything that is frustrating about my life packed into one day.

1) Beck is sick. Or something. I'm not sure. He has been snotty for 27 of the last 30 days. I have gone through nearly 2 super-sized bottles of Dimetap. He is teething. 6 teeth in 6 weeks. I have gone through 2 bottles of liquid Advil and a bottle of liquid Tylenol. He is probably constipated. He's had issues with that lately. He might have an ear-infection due to his cold, but there is no way to tell. The last 2 times I've spent $30 to take him to the doctor for an ear infection, he hasn't had one. He's clingy, whiney, and won't let me stray more than 2 feet from him w/o bursting into tears. And sometimes even 2 feet is too far and he wants to be in my lap or in my arms ONLY.

2) Daphne is needy. She needs attention or some kind of food, movie, toy, book, or listening ear about every 3 minutes. I love her madly, but just when I think I have Beck settled, Daphne needs something. She is cheerful most of the time, just demanding.

3) Coming back from a vacation almost isn't worth going. There is so much laundry to do, house to clean, child to deal with. I have no food in the house. I have no idea what to cook for dinner. I have no diapers. I need to go shopping, but I don't dare with two snotty, crabby, needy kids.

4) It was freezing cold and super windy today. The garbage bin out on the curb blew over twice, sending diapers, pizza boxes, papers, and yard waste flying all over the neighbors' lawns and down the street. I picked it all up. Twice.

5) It was a bad hair day. I really needed to color my hair. So I did. But you know how you're not supposed to shampoo your hair for 24 hours after you dye it. So I didn't want to go through the trouble of blow drying and straightening it (which takes over an hour) knowing that I'll have to wash it again tomorrow. So I just had fuzzy, frizzy, ugly hair today. (Although the color was at least even.)

6) I gained 3 lbs in Vegas. Weigh-in is tomorrow. I've been yo-yo'ing with the same 3 lbs for 6 weeks. It sucks.

7) My husband came home from work at 8:30pm. That probably added to my frustration. It's not his fault. He works his butt off to provide for our family, bless his heart. It just makes a long day longer sometimes.

8) While we were out of town, our plumbing had issues. The shower plugged up and spilled over onto the floor. My mother washed our floor mats for us, but they were dry clean only. So now they're in shreds. Throwing them away doesn't bother me terribly--having floor mats that are dry clean only is idiotic. They've been a pain since Day 1. But they have shed red threads all over every carpet within 30 feet of the bathroom. And after you read #10, you'll know that those threads are still there and probably will be for days. That bothers me.

9) One of my home party customers left me a voice mail telling me how horrible she thought my customer service was, how she'll never come to another one of my parties again. Why? Because I offered her some products at my cost after she didnt' like the one she'd ordered. It was just out of courtesy that I did this. But between my two trips out of town this month and the stomach flu in between, I have't gotten them mailed yet. It shouldn't bother me, but it does. Partly because I feel like she's spitting in my face after I went out of my way to be nice. And partly because I know she's right. Which leads me to #10...

10) I know this is just part of life when you have two little kids--my situation is by no means unique--but it bugs the living crap out of me that I spent my whole life becoming who I am; becoming efficient, tidy, orgainized, well-read, fairly fashionable, educated, a good cook, a good friend, a good worker; But that all that has become submerged beneath the alternate reality of just being a mom. I love love love my kids. I love love love that I can be a stay at home mom and provide the stability and affection and guidance that they need. But some days the messes, the whining, the snot and poop, the lack of time, the lack of freedom, the lack of appreciation, the lack of space, the lack of quiet, the lack of sleep, the lack of down-time, the overall lack of myself is depressing. There is no "me" anymore. There is only this replica of me called "Mommy." She can't figure out what to make for dinner and can't get things shipped on time and can't keep the house even close to clean enough and can't remember to return phone calls, and is too tired to look good, and too thrifty to dress nicely, and too busy to have friends, and her hair is getting gray and her boobs have lost their perk and her car is always messy, and she's late when she wants to be on time, and she doesn't read anymore or play the piano anymore or learn new languages anymore or travel(much) anymore, or do all the things her former self was proud of. She just muddles through each day, trying to get a bit of everything done and keep the kids alive.

I know, boo hoo hoo. Like I said, it's nothing novel. It's the same old sob story mothers have been crying since babies were invented. Or maybe since cars and TV were invented and mothers got the idea that they might be able to do go somewhere or do something besides sit and hold kids all day. But today it just piled up and overwhelmed me. I would eat some chocolate to cheer myself up, but like I said, tomorrow is weigh-in. So instead it's 1:34am and I'm blogging about it. It's 2nd best to chocolate. And fat-free. Aren't you glad you just got such a nice big helping?

p.s. Don't feel obligated to comment with sympathy. You've been there too. I'm not looking for recognition as a martyr. I just needed to get this off my chest and my husband is asleep.