Down and Out

I'm sitting here in my bed, in my jammies, no make-up, no brushed teeth or hair, at 11:06am. No, I'm not lazy; I'm post-op drugged up! I had my laproscopy yesterday. And I'm not quite 100% yet. Not even quite 55% yet, I'd say. So I'm going to take this opportunity to catch up on all the wonderful blogs I have sadly neglected during this busy holiday season. And I'm going to attempt to write a few posts of my own. If I get to it, you may get to hear a little about:

-a great new sugar cookie recipe (even newer than the last one!)
-peeing blue
-Why I may bomb a movie theater
-How to give yourself 3 days of serious nightmares
-Why I hope, for your sake, you've never heard the children's song "Down By the Bay"
-How to nearly ruin Christmas
-Why I might bomb an insurance company
-Why I might get arrested for too many bombing threats
-Ways in which I am seriously disturbed (not bombing related). And proud of it.
-How I still need a Wisconsin quarter. Actually, maybe I'll just leave that one at that.

But you first. It's Christmas and I'm feeling magnanimous. I'll be seeing you on your blog soon!

Let's Salsa!

I know a lot of you have had my veggie salsa before (the one with the avacados, white corn, and black-eyed peas). So would you mind going to www.allrecipes.com and rating the recipe? I've had the recipe posted for a while and no one has reviewed it yet. If you haven't tried it, do! It's such a good salsa that you'll want to eat it with a spoon, or Scoops chips piled high. It's low on tomatoes and has no white onions (only green) so it's not as acidic or as hard on your breath. Maybe the next party you go to (like this New Years Eve?), bring it and I guarantee you, at least 3 people will ask you for the recipe. I actually used to take pre-printed recipes of this with me whenever I took it to a party because so many people requested it...no joke! So I'm asking a favor...if you've tried it, please go rate it! Or make it and see what you think. Even if you're spending this New Year's Eve home being a loser like me, this salsa will be good company.

Fanks!

Click HERE to view or rate my recipe.


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Santa Baby

Why is it that as you get older, you want less and less for Christmas but the things you want cost more and more? I can only think of half a dozen things I really want for Christmas this year, and all of them cost more than I could probably earn for selling a child. (Anyone in the market? I know a very talkative 4 year old who would love to live with you.)


1) A new sapphire for my engagement ring. This is truly the ultimate in frivolity. But I can't help it. The stone on my ring looks black. People always ask me what stone it is. "Is it onyx?" No it's not onyx! Who would get an engagement ring with onyx in it??? Well, clearly it looks like I would. Hence, the desire for a bluer sapphire. I really don't think a couple hundred dollars could be put to better use. Those so-called starving children in Africa don't look that hungry to me.


2) A video camera. My digital still camera has a video feature, and in good lighting, at one static distance, for short periods of taping, it works fine. We've used it to take tons of little videos like Beck singing the sound of music with Daphne's fairy costume on, and Daphne running around naked sticking out her bum and yelling, "Waka waka waka!" You know, everyday stuff like that. But as soon as you try to zoom in, it goes dark. Or if you want to take something for longer than 90 seconds, like a recital or birthday party, it cuts off into 10 tiny segments. And forget taping in medium to low light; those boudoir videos are a no-go. So someday it would be nice to have a real video camera. Someday when I win the elusive $400 lottery.

3) Speaking of cameras, I'd love to have a really nice digital SLR camera. I have a digital point and shoot. But it lacks the ability to really play with the settings and take creative, professional looking shots. Somewhere buried in my house I have a classic SLR camera. But it uses film (do they even still develop real film??). And it doesn't allow you to see your shots as you go, which means experimenting with different settings is nearly pointless--you won't see the results of your setting changes until you get the film developed. If they even still develop film. So someday, when I have $600 lying around, I'd like a digital SLR camera.


4) Reebok EasyTone shoes. They're the ones you've seen in the commercials that tone your butt and legs just by walking around. I watched a whole exposé show about them, and they really do work. I'm all over that. For only a cool $100 I can quit working out. My lower body.



5) Lasering. I've already had my legs and bikini lasered. And I think nearly every day of my life how it was the best money I've ever spent. Not having to shave my legs (or slice up my poor husband's legs all summer long when we come into contact with each other) is wonderful. But I have a few more areas that I'd like to have worked on. Like...all of them. So as soon as I can come up with a grand or two for total body hair removal, I will be as smooth as a newborn rat. But hopefully not as revolting.



6) A steam mop. This one is probably my most justifiable request. Because it actually involves cleaning. And gifts that involve cleaning don't really count as gifts. They're necessities, right? My second least favorite job to do around the house is mopping. I just hate it. And our mop does such a terrible job on the bathroom tile that I must admit our bathroom tile doesn't get cleaned nearly as often is it should. The hippo tank at the zoo is probably more sanitary. So the steam mop will kill two germs with one stone: I might actually clean the floor, and if I do, it will use all 220 degrees of heating power to kill off anything I might have missed. And the fact that the one I want is only $69 means I might actually see an Amazon box under the tree this year.

As for the other things, I think me and my onyx ring will just have to wait. Unless you know a sugar daddy in the market for a 35 year old mother of two with a faint mustache who hates to mop. Then pass my number his way!

Random December

1) Remember how some Japanese people kept trying to comment on my blog? In Japanese? On the same post? Well, I put the kabosh on that with my jedi word verification mind trick. Guess what? No more Japanese spam! But then today I got a Chinese one. Different post. Same irritation. And somehow they managed to get through my super special word barriers. I thought the Japanese were supposed to be more tech savy. Hmmmm...

2) I decided to treat myself to a new swimsuit after tragically losing my very favorite, very expensive, almost brand new Modbe suit. (WAH.) The new one I ordered got here and was too small. ARG. So I sent it back for an exchange. Today I got an email that they are now sold out of that suit. DAGNABIT! After nearly an hour of searching online I found it online at one other site. YEAH! For $15 more. DAMMITALLTOHELL!

Lost Suit:

New Suit:

3) I got asked to co-teach the sunbeams class at church (4 year olds) for the rest of the year. Their old teacher(s) had a baby a few weeks ago. So they asked me. This way they don't have to get a new teacher for them until the class moves on in January and a new group comes in. Other people's four year olds PLUS my four year old for 2 hours every Sunday is pretty much the inner circle of hell for me. Fortunately, they called the new teachers early so I'm done now. Whew. BUT...

4) I also got released from my previous church calling (visiting teaching coordinator, highly recommend it) and asked to be.....drumroll....the cubscouts Wolf Den leader. Yikes. But seriously, after teaching Sunbeams for 4 weeks, I honestly feel like cub scouts isn't going to be that bad. Ironically, if you'd asked me how I would have felt about scouts 5 weeks ago, I would have said it was the worst calling you could give me. Now, thanks to the Sunbeams, I know it's not. See, God does work in mysterious ways.

5) I finished my Christmas shopping on Saturday. It felt SO good to be done. Now the wrapping begins...

6) I'm going to St. Thomas with some girlfriends in February. I'm super super super excited about it. Anyone been to St. Thomas who wants to recommend anything to do, see, or eat while I'm there?

7) I have an eye ulcer. What is an eye ulcer, you ask? Don't ask me. My opthamologist didn't see fit to share that kind of trivial information with me. But I can tell you this: It involves serious amounts of pain. Imagine a tiny knife point poking your eyeball every time you blink. Yeah, like that. Also, extreme sensitivity to light. And since I can't wear my contacts while it's healing, I am wearing glasses, which means no sunglasses. It's like having the high beams pointed directly into my eyes whenever I go outside. And that brings on headaches. And the combination of the three--pain, light sensitivity, and headaches--makes a girl very very tired. Like narcolepsy tired. I've found myself walking around the house with my eyes closed quite a lot lately because I literally can't keep my eyes open. I try to feel my way around, but I bump into stuff pretty often. Driving with your eyes closed is a little more difficult, by the way. Harder to feel your way.

8) If you watched Survivor this season, you'll understand me when I say that anyone was better than Evil Russell winning. Even one of those two milquetoasts.

9) Milquetoast is such a great word to say.

10) Milk toast is not that great to eat.

11) I cleaned out my kitchen accoutrements drawer the other day. Emptied it, washed it, organized and refilled it. It was awesome. And the best part is knowing that my destructive baby boy is finally not interested in dumping that drawer out every single day. It might actually stay looking this nice!

12) If you speak FF, you'll understand when I say: 6 months of TTC, frequent BD with DH, excellent EWCM, good OPKs and finding O with the BBT, with no +HPT just BFNs and no DD or DS on the way means the RE says I need an HSG and lap. Going in next week. BLAH.

13) I forgot to get my trash, my very overfull trash, out on time last week. And I knew there was no way we were going to make it to the next trash day with all the Christmas prep. So I called them. And they came and got it later that day. So even though I badmouthed you, trash company, because you left my tipped over trash can sitting there on the side of the road instead of geting off your lazy butts and picking it up, you have redeemed yourself. You are forgiven. For now. (I fully reserve the right to swear at you again if you leave my trash can tipped over again, though.)

14) I seriously love my Christmas tree. Every time I see it all lit up, I smile and feel happy. I might just leave it up until spring.

15) I bought a new toaster last year. I picked it primarily because it was a cool retro design and it was red, to match my kitchen. It's not that good of a toaster though. And it has gradually gotten worse. The dial goes from 1-7. And lately 1 is raw and 2 is burnt. Why do they bother making all the other numbers???

16) Ok, the laundry strewn all over my room is guilting me into finishing this up. If we don't speak before Friday, have a very Happy Christmas.

The Fantastic Mr. Movie

I read this book as a kid LOVED it. When I saw that they were making a movie out of it, I was really REALLY excited. But then when I saw the previews, I was really REALLY not excited. It was true that my x-boyfriend was playing the leading voice. But I am a purist, and I could tell that they had changed the plot from the book to the movie. A LOT. And I was seriously worried they would ruin it and make me hate it, Wes Anderson not withstanding.

However, I am pleased to annouce that the movie was WONDERFUL. Love, love, loved it. If you haven't taken your kids, self, grandma, neighbor, and trash man to see it, do. You will love it every time. Even with the trash man. I promise.

Easy Reader

I have been going to the library lately. I feel so very cultured. I'm not sure why I haven't ever gone. I think I've been to my library twice in the 7 years I've lived here. But suddently I've been reading a lot and taking my kids to the library with me to pick out books. But what I've discovered is that there are a LOT of children's books. And they're not organized by subject or even age group so as to make them easy to pick out for your kids. No, they have 12 year old books grouped in with picture books and everything inbetween. So I want to ask a favor. Those of you who have/have had small children, would you rummage around in your kids' rooms/memory and suggest some titles to me of books that your kids have loved (younger ages)? I want to make more out of our trips to the library. Not that I didn't love Daphne's recent pick, "Bugs And How to Disect Them," but I think Beck was a little grossed out.

Thanks.

Fifth Avenue Mom

I have a problem with dressing myself. Because what I appreciate in clothing and what I actually like to wear myself are two different things. I'm really a pretty casual dresser. Jeans, yoga pants around the house on a Sunday, long sleeved t's, hoodie sweaters...I feel very comfortable in comfortable clothing. I don't mind dressing up a shirt now and then with a little bit of frill or an interesting fabric. But generally, I'm most comfortable in pretty simple, basic clothing. But that's not what I like to wear...in my head. In my head, I like things that make a much bigger statement. That have more flair. That might be more fitted or more feminine or more fashion forward. It's just that when I wear them, I feel all dressed up, and not me. So it seriously makes shopping a nightmare. I see things on the mannequins or on the rack and think they're so cute. But when I try them on and realize I'm going to have to wear 3 layers, or heels, or short sleeves in the winter, or a girdle to pull them off...I usually end up putting them back on the shelf. I want to want to wear those clothes. They're so cute! I can really appreciate the style of them. But I just have a hard time, especially as a mother of young kids, feeling dressed up at home or inhibited in my movement (as a skirt will do).

So here are some super cute dresses from the Shabby Apple that I'd love to wear...





If only I could get to the point where wearing a charcoal grey wool pinstriped dress and platform Mary Janes was fun to unload the dishwasher in.

Sigh....