Which Witch?

Which do you like better?

Clipping your toe nails or painting your toe nails?

Going on a trip or sleeping in your own bed after a trip?

Wearing a new shirt or throwing away a ratty old shirt?

Putting a crabby baby to bed or getting a happy baby out of bed?

Putting on fuzzy warm socks or peeling off too-hot socks?

Curling up in under a warm blanket or climbing between cool sheets?

Cooking a meal everyone enjoys or eating a meal you didn't have to cook?

Getting in your car, warm in the garage in the winter or getting in your car in the summer after being in an over-air conditioned room?

Watching a movie or making a movie?

Paying a compliment and seeing someone's face light up or recieving an a sincere compliment you weren't expecting?

Skipping church or missing a dentist appointment?

Opening presents or shopping with a gift card?

Walking on the beach or strolling through the woods?

Listening to a thunder storm rolling in or finally hearing it roll away?

Having the money to buy that expensive item you never could afford or finding an item you always wanted on sale?

Losing a pound or eating a perfect slice of cake?

Walking through a beautiful garden or getting a bouquet of cut flowers?

Hearing the phone ring or hearing the answering machine pick it up?

Knowing it's Friday night or knowing it's Saturday morning?

April Miscellaneous

1. Triumph is when your spell checker doesn't correct your spelling of the word "miscellaneous." (It only took me 30 years to get that one right.)

2. I am enjoying this beautiful spring weather more than you can imagine. The smell is heavenly. The sunshine is amazing. The warmth is stirring. It makes my soul feel alive.

3. It also makes me want to garden. But gardening requires bending over.

4. I cannot bend over. You can't bend at the waist when there is a human beach ball trapped inside you.

5. Speaking of said human beach ball, I am 37 weeks 1 day today. I had Daphne at 36 weeks 5 days and Beck at 38 weeks. ANY DAY NOW!

6. I could go to my due date. That IS a possibility I'm forced to consider. VERY reluctantly.

7. I will NOT consider the possibility of going over my due date. No. That cannot happen. WILL NOT HAPPEN!!

8. My doctor is out of town until next Monday. Evidently he thought it was more important to take his family to the So.Cal theme parks than to sit around here waiting for the possibility that my baby might come early. Jerk.

9. I guess I'll try to wait 5 more days to have this baby so I can accommodate his schedule.

10. Dr Smith, I'm only kidding! If you ever read this and thought I was actually mad, I would kill myself. I love you! Not in a crazy rabbit-boiling kind of way. Just in a you-are-my-favorite-doctor-EVER way!

11. The left click button on my laptop is broken. Sometimes it won't work at all, sometimes it works if you push really hard on the far end of it. It is driving me NUTS. Whenever I want to highlight something, I can't. If I need to hold it down to drag and drop, good luck! This is the crappiest laptop EVER. I don't care if Consumer Reports gave it a fantastic rating, the Sony Viao is GARBAGE. Pretty much every part of it has broken at some point during the last 2 years. But the left click button....man, is that a pain!

12. I have just been going through my photos folder and I realized how many pictures I have taken that I meant to blog about but never did. So I think maybe I'll make the rest of this random post a random photos post. Enjoy. Or not. Depending on how much you like to see random pictures of my kids. And depending on how much you like looking at photos taken on an iPhone in bad lighting. What can I say? I was between cameras.

13. I'll start off with something totally disgusting: Cankles.
I took this picture in Texas. Evidently traveling from 3500 feet to sea level does not improve water retention in very pregnant women. The good news is that they have resumed their semi-cankle status now that I'm back at high elevation.

14. Getting a new 7 inches off haircut while you're super pregnant and enormous is not a good idea. Because you will hate your hair no matter what it looks like simply because you hate your body. Or maybe because you realize too late that the haircut you picked doesn't actually suit YOU. But here it is.




15. The Baby Bump. This was at about 32 weeks I think. The one and only picture of my belly this time around. Boy, this third child is already getting the shaft. I hate to be so predictable!



16. Gelato. Usually I'm not much of an ice cream fan. But the Gelato at SetteBello in downtown SLC is UH-MAZE-ING. My favorite? 1/2 Pistachio, 1/2 Nutella. This time I noticed a new flavor, the second one from the left on the top:

Can you guess what it is? My guess was sweet cream with chocolate sauce. Uh, NOT EVEN CLOSE.
The sign below says "Ricotta with Balsamic Reduction." EWWWW!!! That is just sick and wrong! Someone needs to be committed for that travesty against dessert.

17. While getting some frozen custard (I know I'm not convincing you here that I don't like ice cream-ish treats, but I really don't!) at Coney's, I saw this description for a hot dog: "Topped with caramelized onions, bacon, pinto beans, melted cheese, fresh hand-cut salsa, guacamole, cilantro cream sauce and cilantro." On a HOT DOG. Does that seem bizarre to anyone else? I laughed while asking the cashier if anyone ever ordered it. His response was, "Yeah. The guy in front of you just did. It's our most popular hot dog!" I guess it's just me whose crazy. What do you think?




18. Crazy Hair Day at School. I'm pretty sure Daphne won.

19. Do you ever make recipes that require melting caramels? I make one or two, and it is a pain to unwrap each individual caramel and then wait for it to slowly melt. I recently discovered this product and I will never buy wrapped caramels again!


20. And finally, I have really enjoyed my new bakery discovery "The Chocolate." That is the name of the establishment, not an item there. Although the best items there are all chocolate baked goods, of course. Here are a few pics of my kids enjoying their sweets. (Out of 26 shots of Daphne, already spastic from sugar, the only one where she held still enough to be in focus was, well, you'll see...)

I sent this last one to Big Daddy via MMS and his only response was, "You took our kids out with no shoes???" And then later, "I love how the Mona Lisa on the wall is like 10x bigger than the real thing." Nothing about how picturesque his little boy was with the light from the window and the fresh flowers in the background. Men! Sigh... (In my defense, it was an impulse stop. I hadn't planned on feeling the overwhelming need for cake until I passed The Chocolate. But chocolate overrides bare feet every day of the week. Sorry for being so white trash, Hon.)


.

I've Never

I don't know if you've ever played this game at a shower or party, but it's kind of fun to take stock of what things you've judiciously avoided in your life, what things you have gone for, and what things may have occured like-it-or-not. Anyway, I was thinking about it for some unknown reason while my children were creating mayhem in the McDonalds playland last week (my go-to activity for energy burn-off when Big Daddy is out of town and the weather is bad and I'm on the verge of committing double filicide--your vocabulary word for the day, look it up). Here's what I came up with:

I've never...
1. Had a manicure
2. Ridden in a limo
3. Had to wear a cast
4. Worn a diamond ring
5. Gone mountain biking
6. Worn fake nails (unless you count the fabulous set of Lee Press-On Nails I got for Christmas in 1985, which I don't because they only stayed on for 10 seconds at a time)
7. Died my hair black (how I missed out on this one, I don't know. I still think about doing it all the time.)
8. Slept out under the stars (Are you kidding me?? Hello, BUGS!)
9. Been Scuba diving
10. Shot an animal (Though I did kill a spider once by applying nail polish to it and then feeling guilty and applying nail polish remover to it. Probably more cruel than shooting it.)
11. Owned a dog
12. Been to a pro football game
13. Eaten an ice cream cone (even as a child, I only wanted it in a dish)
14. Shoplifted
15. Made out in a movie theater (although I've seen it more times than I cared to, ew)
16. Driven without my seat belt
17. Been to court
18. Had a cold sore
19. Owned a jean jacket (Yes, my high school years were sorely lacking here)
20. Driven the speed limit the whole way somewhere
21. Worn jeans with high heals
22. Read Harry Potter
23. Mowed a lawn
24. Lost my keys (misplaced? Oh yes. Truly lost, not yet, knock on wood.)
25. Actually committed filicide

What about you?

Misc. January

It's a good thing the word "miscillaneous" has an abbreviation because, as you can see, I have no idea how to spell miscilanious. Miscellaneous? Miscalaneous?Seriously, no idea. My guess is that no one else can spell it either and that's why someone finally said, "SCREW IT, I'm just writing "misc." from now on!"

First off, I am somehow still alive after the craziness that was December. I ended up not doing teacher gifts, which I feel super bad about. I even planned to make up for it over the break and make some and send them with Daphne and Beck this week, but that never happened either. Maybe a heartfelt thank you card would be just as good? Or maybe I should just forget about making soap and go get some gift cards to Target. Everyone can use those, right? Anyway, cutting that out might just have saved my sanity.

Also, after shopping 12 hours a day for 4 days straight, I managed to get gifts in time for Christmas. Gifts I think the people I bought them for actually liked. Of course, it didn't really matter what we got for Daphne other than this one present because, well...I'll let the pictures speak for themselves:


Meet Cuddles and Lollipop, baby Netherland Dwarf bunnies. Unfortunately, Daphne thinks the bunnies are toys and has been playing with them a bit too imaginatively. She actually lost Cuddles for 4 hours on December 26th--after spending an hour and a half ripping the house apart and not finding a single trace of Cuddles (we started eyeing the cat suspiciously at that point), Big Daddy sat quietly in the library (the last known location of Cuddles) with the lights off and just listened. Eventually he heard some scratching. Cuddles ended up being in a 3" high space on top of the books but under the next shelf, a shelf 3 1/2 feet off the ground. Cuddles did NOT get up there by herself. We've also found the bunnies in drawers, in doll-houses, dressed in doll clothes, and there was one incident that involved a toy hammer and a bloody bunny nose. We've promised not to discuss that one with anyone, so mortified is Daphne. Nonetheless, Daphne has been sentenced by the Court of Mom and Dad to have only supervised visitation rights until further notice.

New Years Eve was kinda lame, but I was Ok with it. I guess that makes me kinda lame. But I'm OK with it. We got a bunch of cocktail shrimp and some Meyers sparkling grape juice (SO delicious--if you haven't tried it, do! I recommend the Cold Duck), and a chocolate silk pie. Then we ate and drank and watched TV until I fell asleep on Big Daddy's chest at 11:30. He woke me up at midnight with a kiss and said "Happy New Year." And then we went to sleep. We are loads of fun.

Three exciting things are in my future:
1) My camera that I got for Christmas is on its way. Well, I traded in the one I got for Christmas for one that isn't so embarrassingly behind my photographic capabilities. And that one is on its way. I am sooo excited!!!

2) I am getting cabinet and drawer pulls for my kitchen. It currently doesn't have any and it has bugged me since we first looked at this house. I hate having to pull open the drawers and cupboards by sticking my fingers under the corners. Here are the contenders:



Thoughts?

3) That rash I got under my ring is going away. I finally found out that it is a sort of yeast infection caused by too much moisture staying under the ring when I wash my hands. So I got some OTC cream and it's almost gone. This may not seem worthy of a Top 3 Exciting Things That Are Happening To Me list, but trust me, it is. If you saw how gross my finger looked, you'd understand.

On a down note, I have now gained more weight at the 5 month mark of this pregnancy than I did in both my other two pregnancies by the very end. Which makes me wonder: Is it more worth it to eat whateverthehellIwant now and for the rest of my pregnancy even if I end up having 40 lbs to lose afterward? Or is it more worth it to take it easy on the eating now, do some exercise, and try to minimize any more weight gain so I don't have to kill myself losing it later? Hmmm....tough call. I'll decide after I finish the last slice of Chocolate Silk Pie.

School is back in session. This morning I was forced to get myself showered and dressed by the shockingly early hour of 11am. Let's just say I let those little things like hygiene and being clothed slide a little bit over the last 3 weeks. Hey, I had to prioritize, and laying around doing nothing was just higher on the list.

Ok, I think that sums it up. How was your December?

Random October

Is it really October? How did that happen? I'm always a little surprised when I realize summer is really gone.

And in spite of the fact that I really hate fall because it leads to winter, and I really hate winter, I am actually really glad to be wearing pants and jeans again. I was SO sick of wearing my 3 pairs of capris that fit me.

Sadly, however, I only had about a week or two where my favorite jeans fit me.

I am now too fat.

I am now dependant on old jeans a size larger and jeans with lycra.

Thank heavens for lycra.

My shirts? Well, there's just nothing I can do about those. I am now too fat to wear any fitted shirts. Not fat enough to look pregnant, just fat enough to look overfed. I don't feel ready to move on to maternity shirts. But I may not have any other options.

The upsides of this pregnancy are A)Oreo shakes B)fried zucchini with ranch C) lots of kind of cheese (I'm super craving dairy) D)REAL Coke E)Pretty much all other foods I don't usually get to eat. F) All the foods I normally don't get to eat x 10 because I eat at least 6 full meals and 4 snacks a day. I'm not joking. Breakfast 2 or 3 times, lunch by 10:30, second lunch at 1, huge snack at 2 or 3, dinner at four, dinner again with the family at 5-6, another dinner at 8 or so, then snacks or another meal before bed. G) My husband has been SUPER AWESOME--making dinner and breakfast, fetching me treats from everywhere late at night, getting up with the kids in the morning...you name it, if it's sweet or something I don't want to do, he's been doing it.

The downsides of this pregnancy are A)Morning sickness. It kicked in big time last week. Still no barfing, but lots of close calls and a general feeling of wanting to toss my cookies at all times. (mmm....cookies), B)exhaustion. Yesterday I worked super hard on the weed fest that will be my garden next year. I had a respite from the nausea so I wanted to take advantage. It wore me out so bad that I went to bed at 8:15pm and woke up at, yes, 8:30am. CRAZY. C) Peeing. I literally cannot count the number of times a day I pee. I mean, I guess I could count them. I can count into the double digits, you know. But after a dozen, in one night, I just give up. D) A general feeling of malaise and lackadaze and whogivesacrapiness. I just can't muster the energy or will to do anything these days. i.e. my house is a disaster.

Speaking of my house, I still do intend to do a few pictures for those of you who still have any interest in seeing them.

I also have a post with before and after pictures of my bathroom revamp. I just need to upload the pics.

I have no good camera at the moment. My one good one was destroyed by my kids. My Chinese replacement leaves much to be desired. I'm saving up for a really good one. A digital SLR. Can't wait. I haven't taken a decent pic in a while.

Am contemplating when to switch over to shoes from flip flops. I don't feel committed enough to the fall weather to wear socks and shoes every day. But I'm always afraid if I wear flip flops my feet will freeze. How do you know when it's time take the plunge and move on to shoes?

I saw The Social Network this weekend. It was good. Very well-written, clever, fast-paced and witty. Aaron Sorkin. No wonder.

I had sushi before the movie. It was even better than the movie. But not as witty.

I'm off sweets. Isn't that weird? ME!?! I guess nausea and pie don't go that well together. Who knew?

Well, thinking of pie makes me realize it's time to go have dinner. Well, third dinner. (I wish there was a KFC around here; I would love a pot pie.) And then off to bed. After all, it is 9pm.

Where Am I?

Has it really been almost a week since I posted? Where have I been???

I've been taking my kids to swimming lessons.

I've been chasing down the ice cream truck.

I've been eating Indian food and mini golfing with friends.

I've been maxi golfing. The real kind. With the occasional swearing and throwing of clubs.

I've been to the park, the aquarium, and the pool.

I've been looking at houses.

I've been finding houses!

I've been packing!!

I've been cleaning. :(

I've been lying in bed at night, not sleeping, imagining how nice it will be to have:
a/c
a garage
an office
a pantry!!!
A NEW NEIGHBORHOOD!!!

It has been a whirlwind week. And it's only going to get crazier. And then my laptop's hard drive decided to fail, so checking in on my iPhone is...how shall I say this? Less than quick. Fortunately I have Big Daddy's laptop today. But if you don't see me for a while, please forgive. I'll try to be around more....in a few weeks, after we get settled, if not sooner.


p.s. I'm not going to post where we are moving to, for obvious reasons, but it's only a town or two away. Not a long distance move. If you know me IRL, feel free to email me for the details.

Updates

Some of you have asked me how my percale sheets ended up being.
Answer: A big pile of sheet. First of all, I cheaped out. I didn't end up buying the ones recommended by the article I read. I wasn't ready to shell out $100-200. Instead I found some $59 ones to try first that said 100% cotton percale and sang their own praises of smoothness and crispness. HOWEVER.... They were crisp, yes, but not smooth. They felt like sandpaper. So I returned them. However, I did keep the extra set of pillowcases I ordered with them. I've been washing them over and over, and yesterday I noticed that they are getting softer. Perhaps there is hope for them after all. I'll let you know in another 5 or 10 washes.

Some of you have asked me how my weight has been since going off the HCG diet. (It's been three months since I ended the maintenance phase).
Answer: I've stayed within 2 lbs of my last HCG day weight. So I've been able to maintain pretty well. My husband, who lost 12 lbs on that diet, is within 1/2 lb of his last HCG weight, and he didn't even do maintenance. I will say, however, that I did NOT go back to normal eating. "Normal" eating means drinking full-sugar pop, eating treats 3x a day, and having restaurant food 3-4 times a week. That would surely have made me gain it all back. Instead I went back to my pre-HCG semi-diet: mostly diet pop, only one treat each day, occasional restaurant food (trying to make good choices there) and intense exercise 3-4x a week. For me, that is a true maintanance diet. It's a way I can live for the rest of my life. It isn't very indulgent. But it also isn't extreme. I feel super healthy, am more toned than I've ever been, and I haven't gained back any weight. Woohoo! (In fact, I am doing a more restrictive diet this week to try to lose my last 3-4 lbs and so far so I'm one lb lower than my last HCG weight.) So the final synopsis after doing HCG is: 1)It was hard, but totally worth it. 10 lbs in 3 weeks? Um, yes! 2)It doesn't seem to have ruined my metabolism. (Although I did notice a massive increase in carb cravings after going off it). 3)I haven't gained it all back as everyone told me I would. 4) I still had to stay within reason and exercise after HCG to keep from gaining it back. 5)I would do it again if I had a lot of weight to lose.

3) Some people have asked me if I ever finished my quarter collection. Ok, no one has. But I thought I'd let you all know anyway that I did indeed complete my state quarter collection, thanks to several of my readers who sent me missing quarters, most especially JJ, who sent me a bunch and even HAND DELIVERED my final missing quarter. WHAT A MAN! (And having a man reader is a reward in itself. I feel truly honored just to register on his radar.) I had intended to do a give-away with it once I had it all collected, but now I'm thinking maybe we should have a blog luncheon and I'll buy all the apps or something. Seems more fun that than just giving it away. Of course, then I have to give the quarter collection to the idiots at Appleby's, so maybe not.

Anything else you're dying to know about me and my scintilating life that I haven't followed up on?


p.s. Someone asked me anonymously, way back when I was doing HCG, where I got my HCG from and evidently I didn't answer. So here is your answer now: I got it from an online pharmacy called alldaychemist.com. It was a good price and made in Switzerland, though the pharmacy was in India.

R.I.P.

Please remove your hats, bow your heads, and say a final prayer for... my lost earrings.

I hate losing earrings. And when I say "earrings," I don't mean that I lost a pair. I don't lose whole pairs. I just lose one of them. Which sucks. Because there is still that other earring hanging around reminding you of your loss. And you can't throw it away because as soon as you do, that lost one will for sure turn up and you'll kick yourself.

I've lost one of several pairs lately and it's making me depressed. It's mostly my fault. Sort of. I have a tendency to take them out as I lie down to sleep and I put them on my bedside table instead of hanging them back up on my jewelry tree. My responsibility for their loss stops there, though. The rest is all SOMEONE ELSE'S FAULT. Like usual.

I think in this case either there is a mischievous sprite that runs around stealing earrings. (Just one earring, though. 'Cause that's way more mischievous). Or my cat fancies herself a girly-girl now and then and steals them when I'm not looking to wear on her collar. My son does like to hang my earrings from the tops of his ears and pretend he's.....well, that's a story for another day. Actually, I think what is most likely is that there is a black hole in the space between my bed and my bedside table. So when one earring accidentally gets nudged off, it is instantly transported to that really dark spot in the sky from which no light or earrings can return.

Truly tragic. I know. I hope you will join me in mourning their loss.

(In lieu of flowers, donations can be sent to the fund set up for the surviving earrings and their families. Zion's bank. Account "Useless Piece of Crap Jewelry Survivors."





Daily Weight Loss: 0.4 lbs
Total Weight Loss: 5 1/2 lbs

Confessions

1) That tan I came back from St. Thomas with? I got it before I left. Fake baking. 'Cause I hate tan lines.

2) I cannot push "mark all as read." I just. can't. do it. (Sorry about the periods, Jennie).

3) I also can't not comment. I might be able to skip a post, but if I read it, I have to comment. MUST. COMMENT. Do you hear me people???? It's an illness.

4) It bugs me that in Utah every dinner is pot luck. Where I come from, the swanky high-class city of Detroit, you invite someone to dinner and you actually MAKE THE WHOLE DINNER. I do appreciate offers from people to bring dessert or a salad or rolls. But really, when I invite you over, I fully intend to actually cook.

5) I think I'm a better driver than everyone else. Because, really, I am.

6) There is nothing I love better than a good, loud pop-belch (those being caused by quickly drinking pop). However, it is counter-productive to the teaching of manners to small children. (Is it okay to add a caveat such as, "Kids, it's bad to belch in public, UNLESS you've had more than 6 ounces of pop in less than one minute. Then it's better to let it rip." ?)

7) Sometimes I like to spell words the British way, with "our" instead of "or." Like colour. Or labour. Or Amour. Wait, that's French. Anyway, I like to see who notices and who tells me that it's wrong and who starts copying me later. I mean latour.

8) I am impatient. I realize sometimes that I am impatient and I feel like I should be more patient. But I seriously just hate waiting. I want more patience RIGHT NOW!!!

9) I wore a bikini in St.Thomas. I have no business wearing a bikini with this body. NONE. But I wore it anyway. 'Cause I was formerly in denial about how I looked in a bikini. But four hundred and fifty-seven group beach pictures later... not so much.

10) I am not crafty. I am not, have never been, and never will be crafty. The only place I have in my life for crafts are those which can be eaten or those which can be rubbed on one's body for cleaning purposes. I will never be the first to blog about a cute seasonal decoration I made up, or show off an expertly photographed hand-made fashion accessory, or invent a super trendy craft. Unless that craft combines things that can be eaten and rubbed on one's body for cleaning purposes at the same time. 'Cause I think eating and showering simultaneously could really catch on. Otherwise, I'm out. (But I still reserve my right to feel extremely guilty for not being crafty and not doing adorable seasonal things for my kids and photographing them with a tripod and umbrella light. It's my right as a woman to feel guilt, OK?!?)

11) I secretly always look behind me when I pull out of a super awesome parking spot, just to see if anyone else pulls in right behind me. That way I can share in the joy I know that they are feeling when they think, "I can't believe I got such a sweet spot!"


Do you have any confessions you want to share?

Texas Check-In

I guess that last post was a bit much for most of you to chew on. (Or it could be that I have completely slacked off on reading other blogs since I've been here, so I have been forgotten.....weep, weep.) Anyway, let's try something simpler.

So, I'm in Texas. It is supposed to be 50-70 degrees this time of year. It was 38 today. With sleet. I want my money back.


On the other hand, I've had a whole week of hanging with Jennie, so that pretty much makes up for it.


I've had two canker sores on the inside of my bottom lip for well over a week. They hurt like hell and will NOT go away. And since the area is swollen, I keep accidentally re-biting them. Stupid vampire fangs.


On the other hand, I've been eating some seriously good food since I got here. Barbeque, Mexican, Greek (the best greek chicken salad on the face of earth. Twice), desserts, Blue Bell ice cream (Ok, that is just Big Daddy's indulgence, but it is pretty good ice cream. Even one day where I ate breakfast, then lunch, then I had cookies and brownies for dinner. AWESOME. Tomorrow? Boston Market. Yeah!


I'm staying at a hotel with TWO bedrooms, a kitchen and living room and two bathrooms. Let me just tell you, it is a saweet way to travel with kids. You lock one in one room, one in the living room, and then you get to sleep in peace in your own bedroom. Why did it take us so long to find this hotel???


U.S. Airways SUCKS. I've got a whole other post about this, but it's a doozie, so I thought I'd just sum up here in case anyone misses that post. Once again, U.S. AIRWAYS SUUUUUCKS.


A good pillow can make all the difference to whether or not you get a good night's sleep at a hotel. So can ear plugs.


I'm reading a super good book right now. Three Cups of Tea. I can hardly put it down.


Exactly two weeks until I will be waking up to this view:

and not this one:

I've had a cold since the day I arrived here in Texas. I am so incredibly snotty. I hate it when my vacation is dictated by how close I am to a box of tissues. Can I go mini-golfing with my kids? Hmm, that depends. How close is the nearest box of tissues? Can I go to dinner? That depends. Can I carry enough tissues in my purse to make it through the meal? Shopping? Probably out of the question. Too far to go to get to tissues. See? LAME.


OK, I think that does it. I'll be seeing you on your blog again soon, as soon as I return to the REAL LIFE. Wah.

Do you get excited or cringe when you see "random" in the title?

- My printer finally gave up the ghost last month. After lots of browsing online and reading reviews, I got a new printer/scanner/fax this week. WIRELESS. Oo la la. It is so fancy and so fast and so sharp and I don't have go get up off my butt and climb the stairs to plug my laptop in to print stuff. I LOOOOOVE IT!

- Our garbage disposal has been on the fritz for about a month too. You turn it on and it makes a humming sound but nothing turns. So when the water stops going down completely (I usually like to wait until the food chunks and pukey water are an inch or two above the drain) you have to get a wooden spoon and stick it down in there and try to give the whirling knives inside a few pushes to get them going. It takes great concentration because if you're not fast enough, it'll take half the wooden spoon off before you realize it's working. It terrifies me to do this. I cringe the whole time, waiting for that moment when it starts up so violently my whole hand is pulled in and chopped to bits.

- Yesterday Big Daddy finally installed a new garbage disposal. And saved me from becoming Luke Skywalker. Bless that man.

- I've told myself that when we run out of diapers, which will be in about a week, I will potty train Beck.

- But I'm going on vacation twice in February, so maybe I better wait until March.

- The Binky Fairy is coming to our house next week.

- Or maybe I'll ask her to wait until March too. I'm not sure I want to go on vacation and not have every crutch available to get my kids to sleep in.

- Last Sunday the weather was so mild I thought I could feel spring. It made me VERY excited.


- This Sunday the entire town is covered in a fresh layer of thick snow. It looks like something out of a postcard. It makes me excited too. Because despite the fact that I hate the winter and hate the cold, I love a fresh, heavy snow.

-Anyone seen "The Wild"? DON'T. It came on TV last week and I can tell you that it's just a big, awful, boring rip-off of Madagascar. Seriously, the worst animated movie EVER.


-Have you noticed that movies tend to come out in twos in Hollywood? Madagascar and The Wild (lion returns to Africa movies). Armageddon and Deep Impact (meteor movies). Happy Feet and Surf's Up (penguin movies). Lightning Thief and Clash of the Titans (Greek hero movies, both to come out within a month of each other). Tombstone and Wyatt Earp (movies based on Wyatt Earp's life). Antz and A Bug's Life (both about ants). The Truman Show and Ed TV (movies about a person's life being a TV show). Red Planet and Mission to Mars (Mars movies). See what I mean? It's like someone comes up with a good movie idea and they start production and then another studio hears about it and decides to copy it. Only one is always really good and the other is always really crappy.


- I just saw The Young Victoria. If you have any interest in historical things at all. It was really interesting and very sweet.

-I am now going to go out and read a bunch of biographies on Queen Victoria and Prince Albert. I don't' know why, but I am super fascinated by reading about royalty.

-I discovered royalty in my family tree recently. A Baron and a Prince. That must be why I have this interest. It's in my BLOOD.

- Yoga is really good for my back. I've had a bad back since I was 12. And I've noticed the only time I don't have back pain is when I do yoga regularly. Or when I eat cupcakes regularly. (Or maybe it's just that the sugar rush confuses my pain receptors. Either way....)

- I had my first encounter with cub scouts last week after I got assigned to be the new Wolf Den leader (8 year olds). I WANT TO DIE.

- Going out to eat on Saturday night: $19.46. Leftovers after church on Sunday? Priceless.

Random December

1) Remember how some Japanese people kept trying to comment on my blog? In Japanese? On the same post? Well, I put the kabosh on that with my jedi word verification mind trick. Guess what? No more Japanese spam! But then today I got a Chinese one. Different post. Same irritation. And somehow they managed to get through my super special word barriers. I thought the Japanese were supposed to be more tech savy. Hmmmm...

2) I decided to treat myself to a new swimsuit after tragically losing my very favorite, very expensive, almost brand new Modbe suit. (WAH.) The new one I ordered got here and was too small. ARG. So I sent it back for an exchange. Today I got an email that they are now sold out of that suit. DAGNABIT! After nearly an hour of searching online I found it online at one other site. YEAH! For $15 more. DAMMITALLTOHELL!

Lost Suit:

New Suit:

3) I got asked to co-teach the sunbeams class at church (4 year olds) for the rest of the year. Their old teacher(s) had a baby a few weeks ago. So they asked me. This way they don't have to get a new teacher for them until the class moves on in January and a new group comes in. Other people's four year olds PLUS my four year old for 2 hours every Sunday is pretty much the inner circle of hell for me. Fortunately, they called the new teachers early so I'm done now. Whew. BUT...

4) I also got released from my previous church calling (visiting teaching coordinator, highly recommend it) and asked to be.....drumroll....the cubscouts Wolf Den leader. Yikes. But seriously, after teaching Sunbeams for 4 weeks, I honestly feel like cub scouts isn't going to be that bad. Ironically, if you'd asked me how I would have felt about scouts 5 weeks ago, I would have said it was the worst calling you could give me. Now, thanks to the Sunbeams, I know it's not. See, God does work in mysterious ways.

5) I finished my Christmas shopping on Saturday. It felt SO good to be done. Now the wrapping begins...

6) I'm going to St. Thomas with some girlfriends in February. I'm super super super excited about it. Anyone been to St. Thomas who wants to recommend anything to do, see, or eat while I'm there?

7) I have an eye ulcer. What is an eye ulcer, you ask? Don't ask me. My opthamologist didn't see fit to share that kind of trivial information with me. But I can tell you this: It involves serious amounts of pain. Imagine a tiny knife point poking your eyeball every time you blink. Yeah, like that. Also, extreme sensitivity to light. And since I can't wear my contacts while it's healing, I am wearing glasses, which means no sunglasses. It's like having the high beams pointed directly into my eyes whenever I go outside. And that brings on headaches. And the combination of the three--pain, light sensitivity, and headaches--makes a girl very very tired. Like narcolepsy tired. I've found myself walking around the house with my eyes closed quite a lot lately because I literally can't keep my eyes open. I try to feel my way around, but I bump into stuff pretty often. Driving with your eyes closed is a little more difficult, by the way. Harder to feel your way.

8) If you watched Survivor this season, you'll understand me when I say that anyone was better than Evil Russell winning. Even one of those two milquetoasts.

9) Milquetoast is such a great word to say.

10) Milk toast is not that great to eat.

11) I cleaned out my kitchen accoutrements drawer the other day. Emptied it, washed it, organized and refilled it. It was awesome. And the best part is knowing that my destructive baby boy is finally not interested in dumping that drawer out every single day. It might actually stay looking this nice!

12) If you speak FF, you'll understand when I say: 6 months of TTC, frequent BD with DH, excellent EWCM, good OPKs and finding O with the BBT, with no +HPT just BFNs and no DD or DS on the way means the RE says I need an HSG and lap. Going in next week. BLAH.

13) I forgot to get my trash, my very overfull trash, out on time last week. And I knew there was no way we were going to make it to the next trash day with all the Christmas prep. So I called them. And they came and got it later that day. So even though I badmouthed you, trash company, because you left my tipped over trash can sitting there on the side of the road instead of geting off your lazy butts and picking it up, you have redeemed yourself. You are forgiven. For now. (I fully reserve the right to swear at you again if you leave my trash can tipped over again, though.)

14) I seriously love my Christmas tree. Every time I see it all lit up, I smile and feel happy. I might just leave it up until spring.

15) I bought a new toaster last year. I picked it primarily because it was a cool retro design and it was red, to match my kitchen. It's not that good of a toaster though. And it has gradually gotten worse. The dial goes from 1-7. And lately 1 is raw and 2 is burnt. Why do they bother making all the other numbers???

16) Ok, the laundry strewn all over my room is guilting me into finishing this up. If we don't speak before Friday, have a very Happy Christmas.

Random November

1. There’s an evil flying bug in my bedroom.
2. I can’t hear it, but I see it fly by my computer screen every once in a while.
3. I hate having evil flying bugs in my bedroom close to bedtime.
4. I know as soon as I turn off the light, the evil flying bug will hover exclusively near my ear and will sound like a jet plane is landing in my room.
5. I also know that as soon as I turn the light back on, the bug will become invisible and mute.
6. I know that this cycle will repeat until it peaks at 3am.
7. And then at 3:01 am I will open my bedroom door, turn on a light in the hallway, get back in bed, pull the covers over my head, and pray that the bug likes the light in the hallway better than the intoxicating aroma of my ear wax.
8. Where are flying bugs coming from in November anyway? Shouldn’t they all be dead by now???
9. My laptop is making me want to blow my brains out.
10. It has become especially sensitive to the movement of my left hand lately.
11. My left hand never actually touches the laptop.
12. But occasionally it hovers near the surface of the mouse pad area, and its subtle movement as I type creates enough of a breeze that it causes my overly-sensitive cursor to jump 10 lines up in the text and words suddenly appear in the wrong spot.
13. After it does this 21,000 times during the writing of one blog post, I feel like blowing my brains out.
14. And the evil bug flying over the screen every 2 or 3 minutes doesn’t help my suicidal mood.
15. I gained 2 lbs on my mini-trip.
16. This also doesn’t help my mood.
17. I could tell that I gained 2 lbs before I even got on the scale because on the way home I noticed my gut hanging over the top of my jeans.
18. That happens when I get to this certain weight, exactly 5 lbs over my M.A.W.
19. I hate that. When my flab hangs over my jeans.
20. When I reach my M.A.W., it magically disappears.
21. I swear I’ve been yo-yoing the same 3 lbs for 6 months.
22. I was doing so well before my mini-trip.
23. Now those 2 lbs I lost are back.
24. I need to do something serious to drop below my M.A.W.
25. I am so sick of being at this weight.
26. I am seriously considering Alli.
27. I think occasionally crapping my pants might be worth it.
28. Because only looking slightly disgusting just doesn’t seem to be enough to motivate me to diet and exercise long enough to get there.
29. So maybe spontaneously soiling myself in public will.
30. I put Halloween away today.
31. As you know, I love to decorate for Halloween.
32. Someone told me that someone else said something disparaging about my outdoor Halloween décor.
33. It made me sad. And insecure about my outdoor Halloween décor.
34. And that makes me mad, that they’ve robbed me of the joy I used to feel in my Halloween décor.
35. Maybe by this time next year I’ll forget.
36. Or maybe I’ll just say, “Screw you. I LIKE it.”
37. But I value this person’s opinion, so probably not.
38. I also love to decorate for Christmas.
39. At least I have that to look forward to.
40. We caught Said Mouse!
41. After a few days without baiting the traps (to get Said Mouse nice and hungry), Big Daddy wedged a piece of cheese in the trap so tight that Said Mouse would HAVE to tug on it to get it out.
42. Day 1: Cheese still there. No mouse.
43. Day 2: Cheese still there. Said Mouse renamed Dead Mouse.
44. Daphne wanted to examine Dead Mouse.
45. I kept screaming, Don’t Touch It!!!
46. Daphne wanted to know who could make it alive.
47. I told her no one, it was dead.
48. Daphne told me, “Yes! Jesus can!”
49. I hate it when she’s smart like that.
50. I told Daphne that Dead Mouse wouldn’t be resurrected for a long long time.
51. Daphne asked, “When my kitty dies and goes to heaven, can I get a mouse?” (All future pet acquisition rests on the demise of our current pet, you see.)
52. I told her yes.
53. I hope that cat lives to a ripe old age.
54. I don’t really need any more mice running around my house.
55. I did P90X this morning.
56. I also ate 3 chocolate chip cookies because I had to make them for Daphne’s preschool and I just couldn’t resist.
57. I hate that I ate 3 chocolate chip cookies when I so desperately want to lose this weight.
58. Where is my willpower???
59. Where is my Dexatrim?
60. (Does Dexatrim work? )
61. (Someone please tell me if it does. I might buy stock.)
62. I probably won’t blog about Vegas.
63. There isn’t that much to tell.
64. I’m sorry that I haven’t read a lot of your blogs lately.
65. It’s me, not you.
66. I’ve been busy lately.
67. We’re building a shed.
68. I have been priming and painting in every spare minute.
69. I am at least 4 episodes behind on my Dancing With The Stars and 3 behind on my So You Think You Can Dance.
70. You know I am seriously short on free time when that happens.
71. I probably have 2 more days of priming and painting before I will have free time again.
72. I promise I will read your blog regularly again soon.
73. Please don’t take it personally.
74. You’re so generous to keep commenting on my blog as much as you have even though I haven’t been very reciprocating.
75. That’s more of a hint than a thank you, actually.
76. I have a compulsion for buying new clothes for my kids.
77. I love to shop end of season sales to get next year’s clothes at really good prices.
78. I spend way more money on their clothes than on my own.
79. I wish I could shop for myself without guilt.
80. But I can’t.
81. So I shop for my kids to satiate my shopping hunger because at least I can justify it; they grow out of their clothes every season. I only grow out of my clothes when I'm pregnant.
82. The cops emailed me.
83. They are still watching my neighbors.
84. They even pulled their trash but didn’t find enough evidence for a warrant.
85. I still see drug deals go down every few days.
86. I can’t wait for the day that I see blue and red lights out there instead of cars constantly coming and going.
87. Fall daylight savings is a gyp.
88. Everyone talks about how great it will be to sleep in an extra hour.
89. Tell that to my 4 year old.
90. Her body wakes her up at the same time, regardless of what the clock says.
91. I’ll take Spring Forward any day.
92. I really like Trident Tropical Fruit gum.
93. In the orange package.
94. You should try it.
95. I also like Rubio’s.
96. I’m pretty much addicted.
97. Their grilled gourmet mahi taco is to die for.
98. I eat one at least once a week.
99. It’s 11:27pm. I should go to bed.
100. I’ve got a hot date with an evil flying bug.

Midnight Ramblings

1. It’s past midnight.
2. I am still up.
3. I am blogging
4. Blogging after everyone else goes to bed is guilt free.
5. Of course, I will regret it in the morning, but it always seems worth it at night.
6. I hate mornings.
7. I love pie.
8. I made turtle pie today. Actually I had to turn it into a tin roof pie because Big Daddy can’t eat pecans.
9. I miss pecans.
10. But I like Big Daddy more.
11. Turtle pie is not on my diet.
12. Neither is tin roof pie.
13. Pie is not on my diet.
14. I hate diets.
15. I love pie.
16. I need to lose 3 lbs to be at my maximum allowable weight (M.A.W.).
17. I need to lose 8 lbs to be at a comfortable weight below my M.A.W., with a little cushion.
18. I need to lose 13 lbs to be so far below my MAW that I could actually consume Coca-Cola and eat chocolate and have pancakes for breakfast again for several weeks without thinking about it and still not go above my M.A.W.
19. I will never be that weight.
20. I’m sick of talking about dieting.
21. I watched the Sex And The City movie again (for probably the fourth time) on HBO tonight.
22. I still think it was an extremely satisfying movie.
23. Except for that bird in her hair.
24. I hated that bird in her hair.
25. Watching Sex And The City makes me realize how much I don’t care about labels.
26. I have never cared about labels.
27. I would never pay $200 for a pair of jeans.
28. Up until last year, I had never paid more than $25 for a pair of jeans.
29. Then last year I bought a pair of $50 jeans.
30. I love them.
31. Then I bought a pair of $30 jeans.
32. I love them even more.
33. Then I bought a pair of $20 jeans and a pair of $60 jeans.
34. I love them all.
35. I don’t think there has ever been a time in my life when I have owned 4 pairs of jeans at the same time that I loved.
36. But it has just happened.
37. And none of them cost $200.
38. Back to Sex and The City, I never liked Samantha's clothes.
39. I also never really liked Mr. Big. As in, the actor. Not my type.
40. However, speaking of who is my type, I am excited about this movie.
41. I am also excited about this movie.
42. I am not excited about this movie. YIKES.
43. I recently saw this movie. Liked it.
44. I recently saw this movie. Didn’t like it.
45. I got to start learning the Tango at my dance lesson last week.
46. I think the Tango may be my favorite dance.
47. I sprained my foot that morning, though, so I spent most of the lesson working on my hold (posture and arms).
48. The hold in the Tango is HARD.
49. It is still my favorite dance so far.
50. Biggest Loser starts this week. Yay! (Not the kind I'm in. Just the kind I watch.)
51. Maybe that will give me more motivation to diet.
52. Wait, I am not talking about dieting anymore.
53. I can't stand to wear polyester.
54. I can't wear wool either.
55. Wool makes me itch uncontrollably.
56. I really only like to wear cotton.
57. I need a vacation. A real one. With no kids.
58. Vacations with kids aren't vacations. They're just the same old routine, different location.
59. My next door neighbors deal drugs.
60. I believed I mentioned that already.
61. I also may have spooked them off by stupidly taking a picture in plain sight of one of their drug deals.
62. Oops.
63. Today in church the lesson was about how the women in the ward have touched each other’s lives.
64. Each woman was supposed to stand up and tell how one other woman in the ward had touched their life.
65. I couldn’t think of a single story.
66. I’ve been in my ward for almost 8 years.
67. Reason number 67 why I want to move.
68. I love the trees around my house.
69. Reason # 4 why I want to stay.
70. I love trees.
71. Sometimes I hug trees when people aren’t looking.
72. Sometimes I also run stop signs when people aren’t looking.
73. But only if it’s late at night.
74. And I still pause.
75. Does that count?
76. I like breakfast meats.
77. I have a hard time choosing between sausage and bacon.
78. I wear glasses in the evening.
79. My vision is drastically different in each eye.
80. left? 20/30
81. Right? 20/550.
82. 20/550 means I see at twenty feet away what most people see at 550 feet away.
83. Without my left eye, I’d be blind.
84. Without glasses I’d have no depth perception.
85. Without contacts I’d be nerdy.
86. I don’t qualify for lasik surgery.
87. That makes me sad.
88. I like to type.
89. I can type over 80 wpm.
90. Sometimes after I've typed too much, my brain tries to type my thoughts as I think them.
91. That makes thinking very laborious.
92. I guess I think faster than 80 words per minute.
93. I wish I could speak Arabic and Mandarin and Russian.
94. I wish I could remember how to say mirror in Spanish.
95. I haven’t bought a new CD in 3 years.
96. I seriously love my bed.
97. It must be late.
98. My bed is calling to me.
99. Yep. It’s 12:58am. Crap.
100. Goodnight.

I Heart My Bed

The family came, saw and conquered.

We rocked out, we dance-danced, we boomed blox, we swam, we ate (a lot), we stayed up late, we chatted, we went to the dinosaur museum, the fish museum, and the farm. Mostly we stayed up late and had a LOT of kids running round us at all times.

I am tired.

Dog tired.

Dead tired.

Put them together, and I am Dead Dog Tired.

What does that call for? Several days of naps. I love naps. I don't get them nearly often enough. But after the huge lack of sleep lately, I am going to have to rearrange my schedule to work naps into every late morning and early evening for at least the next 5 weeks. Priorities!

So my question is, are you a napper? Can you lay down in the daytime and crash out? Or are you one of those go-go-go types who only sleeps at night? Do tell. I'll read your responses after I have logged at least 16 hours of nap time.


Zzzzzzzz.....


p.s. I saw a dead beaver on the side of the road in town today. It was the size of a large pig. HUGE. I've never seen a beaver before. Now a very large dead one right in town. Is it morbid that I pulled over to take a picture? (Don't get your hopes up. My camera battery was dead.)

The Writing On The Wall

It's not often you find a lonely human cry for love scratched onto a bathroom wall. This day I found three...





I guess we all need someone to tell our sorrows to. Even if it's just a bathroom wall in Fillmore.

What's your hidden sorrow? Tell the old bathroom wall...
(Sign in anonymously if you like)


.

Random

Hmmmm....evidently I know NO ONE who does Mary Kay. How is that possible? I live in Utah!! I thought it was a pre-requisite to getting your temple recommend, that someone you know had to do Mary Kay. Guess mine will have to be revoked.

My back hurts. I feel like an old lady because my back always hurts. ALWAYS. It has since I was about 12 years old. Maybe I should stop digging ditches all day.

My feet also usually hurt. I can't wear cute shoes because I have these terrible feet. I guess they're pretty flat. I don't know what else their problem is. But I usually have to wear pretty comfortable shoes, and that sucks.

My thyroid problems may not actually be thyroid problems. Although I have had several cases of thyroiditis (enlarged thyroid), my endocrinologist suspects it's actually Vitamin D deficiency, which evidences a lot of the same symptoms. Still waiting for blood test results.

(Do I sound like a big fat hypochondriac, geriatric whiner yet or what???)

I have terrible veins. TERRIBLE. And the lady at my endocrinologist's office stuck me three times without getting a drop. Then she gave up. So I had to go to another phlebotomist in another county to try again. I told her my vein woes. But she still pulled out a freaking huge needle (not the usual, tiny butterfly needle they always use on me). I just laughed at her over-confidence. AS IF. Well, I was wrong. She picked a good vein, got it on the first stick, and it was a gusher!

Ok, non health related...

I love Coke. Have I mentioned that? Since going off Biggest Loser last month, my 1/2 Coke a day limit has gone to a 2 Coke a day limit. I'm going to need another intervention soon.

Nothing is worse than a disappointing cake. Big Daddy bought a cake from a fundraiser thing at work. He ordered German Chocolate, which he did JUST FOR ME, since he can't even eat German Chocolate. It looked delicious when it came (2 weeks and $25 later). However, it was NOT THAT GOOD. It ended up being dark, rich, fudgey chocolate. NOT nice light Germany chocolate. And the coconut/pecan/caramel frosting that is what German Chocolate Cake is all about was only on the inside. The outside was regular chocolate icing. So, the moral of this story? Don't give to fundraisers.

I really dug the hard rain all day Sunday. I don't like cold rain or drizzle or cloudy skies. But I loooove a good hard spring rain, especially if there is lightning and thunder involved. Hail is an extra bonus.

I'm really glad we don't have tornadoes here in Utah. This time of year in Michigan we had to run for the basement several times a week. The sound of those sirens still haunts me in my nightmares.

My TV blew up this morning. Like, literally. It was working and the kids were watching a show. Then they called me in to put on a movie a few minutes later. I wondered why they weren't interested in their show, and when I got to the TV it was black. I thought Beck had turned it off. But I tried and tried to turn it on and off and nothing happened. Then this foul odor, like burning chicken feathers, came from the inside of the TV. (Who knew that TV's were made of chicken feathers??) So I unplugged it and watched it suspiciously for several minutes, lest flames come shooting out. But it never did catch fire, it just hurled noxious smoke for a while. Dang. Guess we'll have to upgrade to a flat screen. Off to Costco!

Costco, by the way, is the place to see people you know. I saw four people I knew at Costco today during lunch.

Also, Costco has the best churros ever. In case you've never tried them, treat yourself to one. They're large, soft, chewy, and cinnasugary. They kick state fair churros' culos.

My kids are both napping. BOTH. This has become a bi-weekly event, at best. I. LOVE. NAPTIME.

I love my dryer. It will dry a whole load of whites (on medium heat) in 25 minutes and a whole load of towels and jeans in 40. It rocks. I wish I could say the same for my fancy new front-loading washer. I could take it or leave it. Shhhhh. Don't tell Big Daddy. I begged him for a fancy new front-loading washer. But it's really not that great.

Finally, dark chocolate peanut M&M's will be the death of me.

Back to the laundry....

Do WHAT to my WHAT?!?

If you use gmail (and possibly if you use other email programs or even web browsers), you may have noticed that there are ads on the sidebar, and that the ads often relate to the subject matter of the email you're writing or reading. At least I have noticed this. If I send someone an email about the zoo, there will be zoo ads on the side bar. If I read an email from someone about Mexican resorts, there will be Mexican resort ads on the sidebar. Well, today while reading an email with some pictures of my Vegas trip from my friend who accompanied me, I saw an add on the sidebar about LABIAPLASTY!!! First of all, RANDOM. There was nothing in either her email or my reply even slightly related to anything remotely having to do with said-plasty. But more importantly, ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Women DO THAT??? AGH! Even after my recent trip to Brazil, where I discovered that the topography wasn't exactly how I had pictured it, I can't imagine being intimately acquainted enough with that area to decide I didn't like the way it looked. And even if I decided that I didn't like the way it looked (though why would I? What do I even have to compare it to??), I can't imagine giving the doc the scalpel and the go ahead to slice and dice down there. I'm thinking surely labiaplasty must be a joke. It's not real, right?

p.s. If it is real, don't tell me. I want to live in a fantasy world where hoohas are not up for that kind of make-over.

The Phone Is Green

A certain not-to-be-named member of my household used to tell this joke. It may or may not play on the accent of certain, non-specified ethnic groups who may or may not speak the same as average native-born Americans. Read at your own risk.

A person of non-determined ethnic background was taking the test to gain his U.S. citizenship. Part of the test was oral. For this section, he had to use the words green, pink, and yellow all together. The man thought for a minute and then said, (this part is best read with a non-country-specific Hispanic accent) "Green, green! The phone is green. Pink it up. Yellow?"

Now for the segue (by the way, did you know that's how you spell segue? Ask me how many times I had to revise this paragraph before the spell check even recognized it enough to offer me any suggestions)...On my sidebar is this very cool widget where if you click on it and type in the box that opens, it will text my cell phone. And I can text you back to your computer (in the window you texted me from). Don't you want to try it out? I think you should. It's SO much fun. And I just love it when my phone goes "green, green!" (Did you see it? That was the segue). Besides, I know you are looking for one more way to waste your time on the computer. It's Saturday. Live a little.

Disclaimer: Author takes no responsibility for offense caused to any or all members of any or all national, non-national, racial, ethnic, or interplanetary groups. Author did not write this joke. Author also only used this joke as a very weak segue (look this up if you don't know what it is, not that you wouldn't know because of your racial or ethnic background, author is not implying that in any way) to pathetically solicit people to text her phone. Have pity on her. She's pathetic and bored. Not at all offensive. Seriously.

Pubes

I really love it when it's time to get a new bath scrunchy. When they're new, and the mesh is soft, and they're nice and tight, they're so nice to shower with. You know how over time, they get all loose and big? I hate that. And since they're cheap, I don't feel bad about getting a new one now and then. Well, this weekend I bought one at the store, and i didn't realize it was a two pack until I got to the register. The one I had picked out was a nice canary yellow color. The other one was...well, see for yourself. I can't figure out why showering with this one gives me the heeby jeebies.