Summer Braincation

I just thought I'd let you all know (and by "all" I mean the four of you who still occasionally check my blog) that my brain has decided to join the masses of Americans who are away on summer vacation right now. She's tired of sticking around this house doing the same old mundane, thought-free tasks and having to watch my body get to do all the fun stuff like laundry and exercising and chasing kids. So she's taking her leave of me and heading out for her own adventures.

Where to? Cancun.


In Cancun my brain intends to drink piña coladas and lounge on the beach and just think. It's been so long since my brain got to follow a line of thought for longer than 22 seconds that she really looks forward to just fixating and dwelling and stewing on things for a while. (Don't tell my brain that she's likely to experience some unpleasant sensations when sending piña coladas directly to the grey matter. She doesn't know about brain freeze!)

Then my brain is going to read. I know what you're thinking.....booooring! But reading is an activity my brain actually formerly enjoyed. Before children. And before DVR. Over the last four years, my brain has nearly forgotten how to sound out letters, so rare have been the reading opportunities. So my brain is going to find a good library and just read all day to her heart's content. Uh....to her cells' content, I guess. She's leaving the heart here with me, fortunately.




Next my brain intends to try to participate in some intellectual conversation. This is nearly laughable. My brain forgets that she hasn't attempted anything that ambitious in almost half a decade. It will undoubtedly take some practice for my brain to form anything beyond a 2 syllable word. But she's pretty convinced if she goes to a few locales where adults hang out, she might be able to work a few words like "propitious" and "categorically" into the conversation. Can't wait to see how that works out for you, Brain.



I'm almost afraid to tell you what my brain thinks she will do after that. Foreign language skills! Hahaha. As if. Brain, I know Cancun is in Mexico, but don't you know that your Spanish is so rusty that you think "cheese quesadilla" is a great conversation starter? And what are you going to follow that up with? Olé? Sombrero? A mangled version of La Cucaracha? Don't you think you're going to make a fool out of yourself? Let me answer that for you. Sí.


Anyway, I'm sure my brain has a few other diverting activities planned while she's away. She's not letting the whole cat out of the bag (my brain can be secretive sometimes). All I know is that while she's gone, don't plan on anything genius showing up on this blog. My hands are pretty fast typers, even on auto-pilot, but without my brain I'm likely to blog about things like TV shows and ice cream flavors and lipstick. You know, mindless drivel.

So if a few weeks go by and things still haven't improved around here, well I guess it will be safe to assume that my brain got detained at the border trying to pass herself off as a local. I'm sure my brain thinks she will be able to talk her way out of something like that. But without my big mouth? Good luck with that, Brain.

Happy 7th!

It’s our lucky number seven. Seven years of marital bliss. Actually, it’s our fantaversary, not our anniversary. But this is the day we celebrate.

According to the strange and twisted people who invented the list of what to get each other for each year you are married, your seventh anniversary is the year you give wool and copper as gifts. So I’ve picked out some items to consider for anniversary presents for Big Daddy. Which do you think he’ll like best?



These lovely copper roses are just his style...


What man isn't into oversized, a-symetrical copper rings?


Nothing says "manly" like a swirly copper money clip.


Every man needs a wine bottle blow torch tiki light!


This copper bird reminds me of Clash Of the Titans for some reason. I'm sure he would appreciate the flashback properties of this bird, as well as its practical applications.




A bag of copper runes can be helpful for traveling to Middle Earth.



And a giant copper boil is on every man's wish list.


And then there's wool....


If he's feeling nostalgic for 1991, try this wool and leather jacket.


This is listed as "An Authentic Civil War Blanket." Authentic? Like it's actually from 1863? Hmmmm... In the immortal words of Inigo Mantoya, I do not think that word means what you think it means.


And if all else fails, if all these other presents don't cut it, I'll pull out the pièce de résistance. I'm know this fabulous bear will be an item he'll treasure always. And in case he's in doubt as to why I'm giving him a teddy bear, the shirt spells it right out. (The shirt is, however, made of polyester. Classic.)


Well, I'm sure he'd love any of these. And only the best for my wonderful husband on this most special of anniversaries. Er, fantaversaries.

Here's to seven more amazing years, Sweetie. (After that, we'll talk.)

Filler

I swear that last week I had like six great ideas for blog posts. And then it rained for 8 straight days and I lost all will to live...well, write. I actually like summer rain. And I really like thunderstorms. But after a while it got old and my kids went stir crazy and I went literally crazy. And all the craziness sucked my brain dry of any and all writing ideas. So here, in place of a clever, witty, well-written and/or interesting blog post is a really funny youtube video. The sun is out today, so hopefully my will to blog will return. In the meantime...

The Writing On The Wall

It's not often you find a lonely human cry for love scratched onto a bathroom wall. This day I found three...





I guess we all need someone to tell our sorrows to. Even if it's just a bathroom wall in Fillmore.

What's your hidden sorrow? Tell the old bathroom wall...
(Sign in anonymously if you like)


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Speaking of Cake

During Daphne's party, as the children devoured their gummy tape covered cake, a child was heard to ask, "Can I have some more M&Ms?" And I can't be sure these words actually came out of my mouth, but I think I may have said, "No more candy until you finish your cake!"

Now that's what I call good parenting.

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Cake Mamas

I'm not sure where I got the idea that a good mother only does homemade birthday cakes. Was it because my mom did? Or because my sister did? Or was it something else that ground that into my brain? Well, whatever it was, IT WAS WRONG! My first attempt at a fancy homemade birthday cake was for Daphne's 2nd birthday. It was a lion, her favorite animal. I'd say it turned out pretty mediocre:




Then the next year I got smart and bought one. It turned out so cute! And it actually tasted good, which is the main reason I'd avoided store bought cakes up until then (aside from the brainwashing).


Then I made the mistake of trying to make a fancy homemade cake again. This time for Beck's second birthday last December. The train cake. It was SO MUCH WORK! I spent probably six hours on it, including making the cakes and decorating them and assembling them. And the result was only one false move away from being a train wreck. I guess it's not bad for an ameteur. But it wasn't what I'd hoped for. I think I need to take some cake decorating classes.


But in the meantime, I heard from two friends of mine, Mary Christmas and Rebecca Poppleton that they had started a cake-making business, the Cake Mamas. So I hit them up to make Daphne's birthday cake this year. Mary said she wanted a challenge. So I told her "horses, polka dots and M&Ms" as per Daphne's request. And this is what the two of them created....









Have you ever seen its equal??? I think not. It's BRILLIANT! The horse is made out of fondant-covered styrofoam. The bow is made of sugared gummy tape. The polka dots and trim on the plate are too. The cake inside is confetti cake. And the frosting is buttercream (except for the part where the horse is coming out. That is fondant). It tasted amazing, and it has got to be the most impressive cake I've ever seen. I considered for a few seconds claiming to have made it myself. But I know no one who has ever seen any of my other cakes would believe it for a second.

SO.....if you're in the market for an amazing, one-of-a-kind, delicious, homemade cake, call The Cake Mamas! Mary 801-787-7870. Rebecca 801-636-4973.

p.s. My sister just made this cake for her daughter's baptism party. Can you see why I feel so inadequate??

Trim Your Bush! (not a metaphor)

You may think this post is about this:




Or this:



But it's not. Get your mind out of the gutter! What kind of a blog do you think this is? This kind? No. This kind? Certainly not! This kind? Ok, maybe it is the kind of blog you think it is. But today my blog is truly pristine. It's about a genuinely unruly bush. This one:



In fact all of these:



But after several hours of back-breaking pruning, the final result is much more pleasing...

BEFORE


AFTER


See, nothing like trimming some unruly bushes into a nice straight landing strip. Er... racing stripe. Crap! Back in the gutter for me.