Oh Tannenbaum!

When Big Daddy and I were first married, we went to look for our first Christmas tree together. It was early December, a crisp, starry night. Ok, it was butt freezing cold. None the less, we visited several tree lots, wandered among the firs and pines wondering how big a tree should be, what color, if it should be bushy or branchy, and why it cost nearly as much to buy a tree as it did to make our house payment.

We ended up with a lovely, 6 foot, lush, green Noble Fir. We tied it to the roof of our car just as big fat flakes were starting to fall. And as we drove home, I felt like this was a scene from a movie. A romantic comedy. All except for the fact that, in the end, we ended up digging through a pile of discount trees in the Albertson's loading zone to find it.

Every year thereafter we spent an evening in early December wandering hand and hand through tree lots lined with colorful lights, searching for the perfect tree, and then heading to Albertsons to dig around under the florescents. I loved our fresh Christmas trees. The piney smell. The soft needles. The sap in my hair from trying to get the tree into the holder at the bottom. Ah, good times.

However, after about our 4th or 5th year of this, I began to notice the down sides of having a real tree. First of all, it's expensive. Secondly, it doesn't hold up ornaments that well with its soft, droopy branches. Thirdly, watering it is a pain. You get all scraped up crawling on your belly, trying to reach the water reservoir, and half your hair ends up hanging permanently from the bottom branches. Then it dies anyway, and by Christmas day it's hard, crisp, brittle, shedding everywhere, and begging for one tiny match to get lit within a 10 foot radius so it can burst into flames and burn your house down. After Christmas, it sits in front of your house shedding all the rest of its needles until the city decides to pick it up in late February.

So two years ago we bought a fake tree. I almost cried at the prospect. In fact, I might have pitched a fit or two when Big Daddy suggested it. But money was tight, so we headed to Target mid-December to see what we could find. What we found was that most of the trees were long gone. And the ones that were left were mostly hideous. White flocked trees, bright Kelly green trees, plastic trees, and pint sized trees were all that remained on the shelves. But there on the platforms amongst the other display trees was a real beauty. Just the right shade of green, kind of sage-y like a real tree. It had pine cones here and there. Really, you almost couldn't tell it was fake. It was tallish, about 7 1/2 feet. The branches were strong. It was even marked on sale, 30% off $199. But, of course, it was sold out.

And then we got lucky. When we asked an employee to check the back for us, she informed us that we could take the display model if we wanted. There was no box, but we could probably get a further discount because of that. So we grabbed two of the biggest rubbermade boxes you've ever seen from the containers aisle, disassembled our gorgeous fake tree, and headed up front.

This is where the real Christmas miracle took place. Our new sap-free, no-shed tree was marked down to $37.50. Thank you, Santa! Or Jesus. Or whoever.

So now each year, I haul up two coffin-sized boxes from the basement, plug in the pre-lit sections, pop them together, and voila, 8 minutes after I started I have a gorgeous, almost-as-good-as-real tree.

I even get to keep my hair in tact.

Don't tell the Christmas gods, but it's totally worth it. Totally.