Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Santa Baby

Why is it that as you get older, you want less and less for Christmas but the things you want cost more and more? I can only think of half a dozen things I really want for Christmas this year, and all of them cost more than I could probably earn for selling a child. (Anyone in the market? I know a very talkative 4 year old who would love to live with you.)

1) A new sapphire for my engagement ring. This is truly the ultimate in frivolity. But I can't help it. The stone on my ring looks black. People always ask me what stone it is. "Is it onyx?" No it's not onyx! Who would get an engagement ring with onyx in it??? Well, clearly it looks like I would. Hence, the desire for a bluer sapphire. I really don't think a couple hundred dollars could be put to better use. Those so-called starving children in Africa don't look that hungry to me.

2) A video camera. My digital still camera has a video feature, and in good lighting, at one static distance, for short periods of taping, it works fine. We've used it to take tons of little videos like Beck singing the sound of music with Daphne's fairy costume on, and Daphne running around naked sticking out her bum and yelling, "Waka waka waka!" You know, everyday stuff like that. But as soon as you try to zoom in, it goes dark. Or if you want to take something for longer than 90 seconds, like a recital or birthday party, it cuts off into 10 tiny segments. And forget taping in medium to low light; those boudoir videos are a no-go. So someday it would be nice to have a real video camera. Someday when I win the elusive $400 lottery.

3) Speaking of cameras, I'd love to have a really nice digital SLR camera. I have a digital point and shoot. But it lacks the ability to really play with the settings and take creative, professional looking shots. Somewhere buried in my house I have a classic SLR camera. But it uses film (do they even still develop real film??). And it doesn't allow you to see your shots as you go, which means experimenting with different settings is nearly pointless--you won't see the results of your setting changes until you get the film developed. If they even still develop film. So someday, when I have $600 lying around, I'd like a digital SLR camera.

4) Reebok EasyTone shoes. They're the ones you've seen in the commercials that tone your butt and legs just by walking around. I watched a whole exposé show about them, and they really do work. I'm all over that. For only a cool $100 I can quit working out. My lower body.

5) Lasering. I've already had my legs and bikini lasered. And I think nearly every day of my life how it was the best money I've ever spent. Not having to shave my legs (or slice up my poor husband's legs all summer long when we come into contact with each other) is wonderful. But I have a few more areas that I'd like to have worked on. Like...all of them. So as soon as I can come up with a grand or two for total body hair removal, I will be as smooth as a newborn rat. But hopefully not as revolting.

6) A steam mop. This one is probably my most justifiable request. Because it actually involves cleaning. And gifts that involve cleaning don't really count as gifts. They're necessities, right? My second least favorite job to do around the house is mopping. I just hate it. And our mop does such a terrible job on the bathroom tile that I must admit our bathroom tile doesn't get cleaned nearly as often is it should. The hippo tank at the zoo is probably more sanitary. So the steam mop will kill two germs with one stone: I might actually clean the floor, and if I do, it will use all 220 degrees of heating power to kill off anything I might have missed. And the fact that the one I want is only $69 means I might actually see an Amazon box under the tree this year.

As for the other things, I think me and my onyx ring will just have to wait. Unless you know a sugar daddy in the market for a 35 year old mother of two with a faint mustache who hates to mop. Then pass my number his way!


Kristina P. said...

I hear you! I think I just want to get a new cell phone. Expensive!

Plain Jame said...

I finally remedied my wedding ring woes this year. I totally hear ya on the steam mop - that sounds like a fabulous idea! I need one!
I heard hair removal is ridiculously expensive so I've never even checked it out but I totally should. Husband caught me plucking my chin last night... I hate when he catches me I get all flustered.

PS - yes, I do wish I could get a do-over on some things!!!

Wym said...

Really? You've had your legs lasered? I want!!

Lia said...

You know people often ask me if there are any advantages to having alopecia, my answer is always yes, I don't have to shave, pluck, wax,use smelly hair removal creams,I did my bikini line in 1995 and have nver had to do it snice...result!!!! Plus I get to save on shampoo and conditioner, off course every day is a bad hair day, but but I except the money I have saved would stretch to a sapphire or two, certainly get you a mop.

I'd like to wish you and your family a very happy Christmas. I hope the holidays bring you a lot of joy.
Much love to you all

Anonymous said...

All that stuff adds up to less than $3500 so you don't even need that rich of a sugar daddy. YOu might even be able to go back to your real family after a week or two.

M-Cat said...

Start slowly. One thing at a time, and DEFINITELY start with the new gem!
Merry Christmas friend!

kado! said...

I hope you got the SLR for Christmas....you will LOVE it!!!

I got a steam mop at the after-thanksgiving day sales...and early Christmas gift to myself...and I love it each and every day!! How did i live without one???

Shawn said...

OOOOOoooooo---I need a sapphire for MY wedding ring---seriously---mine fell out about 4 years ago and hasn't been replaced. (although mine is considerably smaller than your picture)

MiaKatia said...

I really want laser hair removal. I never shave as it is and that would just be heaven sent. I think that is going on my birthday wish list.