Men's Only Classes! Meet at the Sauna!

I work out. You can't tell, but I do. And though I mostly hate it, I do love my one day of the week that I do water aerobics. It's a good work out. If I weren't wet, I'm sure I'd be sweaty. I huff and puff. I get sore. But I never really feel like I'm about to fall down dead like when I do aerobics classes on land. And it's a good thing, 'cause if I collapsed in the pool, I'd drown on top of everything else.

My one problem with the water aerobics class is the location--the pool area. It's not the pool itself that's the problem. In fact, it's kind of an integral part of water aerobics. My problem is with the sauna(s). The pool is a long, 3 lane pool. Half way down it, a few feet away, there is a hot tub. And behind the hot tub, there are two glass doors. One is the dry sauna, the other is the steam sauna. And as far as I can tell, they are pervert magnets. Not once, not twice, but THREE times I've had run-ins with sick-o losers who think it's arousing to stand inside the sauna(s) and do creepy things to get the attention of the ladies in the water aerobics class. In fact, it has gotten so bad that any day I expect to see this sign posted on the gym classes sheet:

New! Men's Only Pervet Classes! 4 Exciting New Offerings:

1) Learing! Wanna get the attention of the ladies in the pool without the work of actually talking to them or approaching them? This class will teach you how to stand in the doorway and stare, glare, and lear at them with just the right mixture of gross and creepy.

2) Lingering! Want an excuse to check out the pool girls when you don't have any real reason to be in there? This class will teach you all the made up excuses you can imagine to walk through the pool area, linger in the sauna, drinking fountain, and hot tub areas, and even how to master the art of pretending to be reading the newspaper at the INDOOR pool-side.

3) Obscene Gestures! This is the perfect class for taking your sick-o status a step further. Not only will you learn the fine art of learing, but when you're sure that a woman in the pool is actually looking in your direction, you'll be able to practice moves that mean "I want to do _____ to you" and "you can make friends with my __________ any time." This will really get the ladies staring!

4) Indecent Exposure! Learing and gestures not getting you the attention you want? This advanced class will teach you how to show off as much of your anatomy as possible without taking off your clothing. The ladies will definitely notice your manliness after you take this class. And you can do it all from behind the safety of the glass sauna room door!

Extra Workshop: Peeping! Just not getting enough naked time with the lady in your life? No problem. This class will teach you how to take advantage of the half-wall separating the pool from the shower room. Note: A ladder is required and will be provided by the gym.

Come on, Gents. Who's signing up?


(BLECH!)