It Takes Two to Tango. And Cha-cha.

So I have dancing on the brain. What can I say? It's only 10 days until the pro-am competition I'm competing in. It's called the Nevada Star Ball, by the way, in case any of you want to drive/fly/hitchhike/stow away in our luggage to Las Vegas for it.

Yesterday I went shopping and I managed to pack myself into some really tight undergarments that take off about a size around the middle and add about 2 sizes up top. It's awesome. I'll share pics soon.

In the meantime, my dance studio (King Studio in Foothill Village) was featured on the morning news last week. You can watch a clip of my instructer/dance partner, Martin, here...

(Skip forward to 2:20 if you want to skip Big Budah. And you do.)
 


 

Why I Hate August

It's not poor August's fault. It tries to be a good month, on the whole. Warm without being as blazing hot as July. Sometimes even pleasantly and cool and balmy. Its mornings are milder. Its evenings are softer. Its skies are just as blue in the day and just as sapphire in the night. Its stars shine just as brightly and its crickets chirp just as loudly. But August has one majorly glaring fault: It is the harbinger of death. DEATH of summer. DEATH of warmth. DEATH of vacation. DEATH, in short, of all that is virtuous, lovely, and of good report and praise-worthy.

When I was a kid, I hated August because I knew that school would be starting soon. When I was a teacher, I hated August because I knew that school would be starting soon. And now, even though I am neither student nor teacher, I can't help but go into a sense of panic when August hits. In fact, the fear hits earlier than August. It hits about late April. Because late April is when things really start to warm up. And once they warm up, it means summer is almost here. And summer, as we all know, has less hours and minutes and seconds in its days than all the other times of year. It flies faster and is over sooner. So as soon as it turns May, summer really has one foot in the grave. I mean, it's practically winter already!!!

I know that this is neurotic of me. I know I should just kick back and enjoy May, June and July. And I try! Honestly I do. And I usually manage to hold back the hysteria.......until August. But then it unleashes itself it it's full joy-killing glory. After August comes bare trees, dead flowers, cold weather, ice, snow, scraping the car, wearing bulky coats, getting sick, cold weather, putting on weight, having to leave my warm house, having to leave my warm bed, cold weather....everything I hate about life. And it all begins to begin in August.

And that, my friends, is why August and I will never get along.

Things I Learned From a Hong Kong Dress

The Good News: My dress has arrived! And it "fits."

HOWEVER...

Here are some things I've learned since trying it on:

1) Lycra, even encrusted in beads and sequins, shows every bump and lump you've got. Hence...
2) My waist is thicker than I thought
3) My legs are fatter at the top than I thought
4) My hips are bumpier than I thought
5) A girdle can only go so far to flatten out your gut, hips, and thighs
6) My boobs are flatter than I thought.
7) Actually, they are about like I thought they were, but this dress smashes them and makes them look flatter than they are.
8) I might have to get some chicken cutlets.
9) There's a reason why dresses from China are so cheap. The beading isn't sewed on super strong. I better remember not to cha-cha too fast or they might fly off! (The beads, not the cutlets.)
10) My legs need to look more tan.
11) You can buy spray on panty-hose.
12) I wish my legs looked sexier. Higher heels make your legs look sexier. Lower heels mean I might not fall on my butt. I'll probably take the higher heels.
13) I think I need to glam up my performance-look a bit. You know, hairspray, jewelry, body glitter.... But I'm not sure how far to go. There's a fine line between hot and hooker.
14) I don't care about 1-13. I'm so excited about this dance competition I could be 8 months pregnant and wearing a garbage bag and I'd have fun!

Only two weeks to go!


p.s. Once I experiment with push-up, flatten-out, batten-down undergarments for a while, I'll do some pictures of me in the dress.

Oh, and after I perfect my facial rhinestones.



(Thank you, Miss Tina Spaahkle)

Death's Door

I am sicky sick sick. I think I can say this is the worst cold or flu or whatever it is that I've had in a long long time. It's been six days and I still feel as sick as ever. I haven't seen any change in the amount of achiness, snot, coughing, plegm, sore throat or fatigue.

Add to that....

A visit from my least favorite aunt, Florence. (wink)
Bad news about the Cutterpillar
Bad news about the Florida mess
A poor sales month for my Honey
About 36 hours of crying and not sleeping and not eating for worrying over a friend in a major life crisis
And the fact that I can't find the match to one of my favorite pairs of flip flops

And now you know why I have been camped out on death's door. If I haven't read your blog, it's not you, it's me. If I haven't made comments, it isn't that I don't love you. If I haven't called, or dropped by, or made any contact with you in the last week, don't take it personally. I'm just having a really really bad week.


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Support Your Local Mom and Pop!

If you're local, i.e. the Salt Lake Valley, you may or may not know about a great little locally owned steakhouse called Madeline's in South Jordan. It's delicious. Great food (I love their coconut shrimp, and their steaks are mouthwatering), a nice atmosphere, and I love that it's locally owned and one-of-a-kind. Plus, they happen to have one of the most fantastic raspberry cheesecakes EVER. You know me--I do NOT like to mess with my cheesecake. In theory, mixing in fruit is a serious crime. But somehow it just works. There is a sour cream layer on the top too that is yummy. ANYWAY.... Madeline's is having a promotion that I wanted to let you all know about. Here are the details:

"All you have to do is forward this email on to your friends, family, co-workers, neighbors, Facebook friends, Twitter friends, or whoever you want and have them sign up for our VIP text program. Once they sign up, they will immediately receive a free dessert, and then they will be entered into a drawing to win free dinner! 1 out of every 15 will win! So the chances are pretty good.

This is just me trying to be creative and trying to give back to our loyal customers. And at the same time get the word out about Madeline's Steakhouse.


The way to sign up, for yourself (if you're not already on our VIP text program) and for your friends that read this email is simply this:

--------------------------------------------
TEXT the word 'Madelines' to 74700

Then they will automatically receive a free dessert and be eligible to win free dinner at 1 out of 15 chances.


Again, Renee and I sincerely appreciate your business. We understand that you have choices when it comes to eating out and we're excited to earn you business. We look forward to serving you.


If you have any feedback for us please don't hesitate to email me at:

madelinessteakhouse@yahoo.com

We look forward to positive comments as well as any comments on how we can improve. Please don't hesitate to reply.


Your friends,

Adam and Renee Wheaton (Owners of Madeline's Steakhouse and Grill)"

So there you have it. Free dessert just for texting the above code. And a 1 in 15 chance of winning a free dinner! Plus, the most important thing, you know you are helping to keep a local restaurant in business during this tough economic time.

You're welcome.

1987 Vogue

On Saturday, we went to Big Daddy's 20 year high school reunion. (I know, OLD, right? But fortunately I married one of those guys who gets better with age. He's at the peak of handsomeness now.) Even though I didn't go to his school, I know enough of his high school friends and their wives that it was fun. What was more fun was the slide show they did half way through with pictures of the students and faculty from the 80's.

In preparation for this slide show, and the badges everyone was to wear, Big Daddy had to find a picture of himself from his senior year. And finding it was such a trip down memory lane. Down 80's Street, to be exact. And that's when we found this gem:


HOMECOMING 1987:
There were so many n classically 80's things about this picture that I thought I'd do a little vote to see which one wins as the most quintessential 80's thing of all (click to enlarge. And you will want to enlarge to see some of these elements in their full glory):

Photo Folder Part Deux

More pictures from my photo files! Aren't you so excited? I know, you are quivering with the anticipationg. Well, you don't have to fret anymore; your wish is my command.

So in July while the kiddles were staying at my house, I got sick of being cooped up. So I single handedly took 4 kids under the age of 4 1/4 to the Thanksgiving Point farm. It was quite an adventure!


First the kids rode on Bessy. Their reactions ranged from "this is fun" to "I think I need a nap" to "hey, who just farted?"



Daphne and Ada: BFF's. Reunited and it feels so good.




The kids got to ride the ponies next.

Beck? Loved it.


Daphne? Loved it.


Ada? Loved it.

Jasper? Get me the heck off this thing!




Next I learned a new way to babysit...


Shoot, they figured out how to get out!



All that craziness wore me out. So I came home to have my servents buff my feet. Ahhh, the luxurious life of a middle class, Utah housewife.