A Hammer and a Nail

Make that a blow dryer and a nail. Last night I went to a party that featured Jamberry Nails, a new company that sells self-manicures, so to speak. They make absolutely adorable patterned (and even plain) nail covers that are somewhere between vinyl lettering and shrink wrapping your nails. They last a long time and look oh, so cute! Check it out...




I was sold just on the fact that they don't chip. I only paint my finger nails about twice a year because I HATE how the very next day they are chipped. It's just not worth all the effort. But these stay shiny and look fantastic for quite a while, I'm told. I've only had mine on for a day, but after having done the dishes, washed the kitchen counters, and cooked breakfast (requiring me to wash my hands several times), they are still on, still looking perfect. Woo hoo!

It starts with a page like this:


You cut them down to the right size, hold them to a blow dryer for a few seconds, apply, and smooth down. The ultra clingy adhesive sticks down really well. And yet it peels off easily, without damaging your nail, when you're done with them. After having done glitter nails, which looked awesome but ruined my toe nails when I tried to take them off, I'm all for this.

Just thought I'd pass it on!

(And no, they didn't pay me to say this. But they probably should!)

Trying To Put Gillette Out of Business

I believe I have spoken several times before about my laser hair removal triumph. I will say it again, it was the BEST MONEY I HAVE EVER SPENT. I had it done on my bikini line and lower legs about ten years ago. And I cannot describe to you (although Big Daddy probably can!) how awesome it is to never have to shave my legs, to have smooth and attractive legs all summer long, all winter long, to be able to rub my legs up against someone in the summer without fear of slicing them up with my stubble, to be able to go swimming at a moment's notice without dying of embarrassment over my hair situation, to wear pantyhose or no pantyhose to church and never fear for the state of my legs.

Anywho, I just got an email today from citydeals.com (for those of you in the SLC area) for a coupon that gives you six laser hair treatments (which is usually enough to get rid of your hair) for $99! You get to chose from several areas to have done, including half legs AND half arms together for that price! This is an amazing deal. When I had my half legs and bikini done, I probably paid about $800 over the course of a year. And when I recently purchased my package to have a couple of new areas treated (I'd tell you which ones, but then I'd have to admit to having hair in areas a lady never wants to admit to having hair), I paid around $600. So this is a super, dooper good deal. And it applies to men too, so if your man is a bit hairy and needs some help, this would be a great gift!

JUMP ON IT. If you have ever considered laser but found it too expensive, or if you ever look at that spot on your body--belly button? Chin? upper lip? Legs? Beard?--and think "I hate this hair! I hate shaving all the time! I wish I could get rid of it!" then this is your golden opportunity because I have never heard of a price like this. If I hadn't already bought my package at 6x this price, I would jump on it myself! In fact, I'm sure I have more hair to get rid of somewhere, so....maybe I will!

Here is the link: citydeals laser hair removal

You are SO welcome. And so is everyone else who has to look at your gross hair. :)

(Edited to add: Reading on their website, due to the popularity of this sale, they are shortly going to change the half arms AND half legs treatment, which is currently considered one area, to two areas. So if you're considering this one, JUMP ON IT NOW, before you only get one or the other for the $99 price.)

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

Ok Ladies, (Oh, and Gents? Feel free to check out right now. You might not want to stick around for this one), it's time to talk about Mother Nature's biggest curse to women... Not your period. Um, no, not saddle bags. No! Not PMS. Stop interrupting me! (We do have a lot of curses, don't we?) No, I'm talking about upper lip hair.

I know it's kind of a taboo subject. It's one of those things we like to avoid talking about because it's just too painful. You know, like racial hatred. Or being just like our mothers. Or the fact that we're nearing the last episode of "Lost." But it's time we brought this subject out into the open. So fess up! Do you pluck it? Wax it? Bleach it? LEAVE IT? (Please don't say you leave it. I promise, we can all see it. Pretending it's not there doesn't make it disappear). Or do you go the full monty? LASER.

In the dawn of time, Egyptian women used honey get rid of unwanted hair. Then Cleopatra, who was unbelievably hairy, and kept getting licked by her servants, said, "Screw this mess, y'all!" and she ordered one of her royal honey drippers (that's where the term came from, did you know?) to invent electrolysis. Women gritted their teeth and bore that torture device for another 7000 years until finally someone wonderful invented the laser.

Not only does the laser allow us to point to things on a map we might otherwise have to move closer to point to, it also provides us the chance to throw away our life savings in the pursuit of becoming Mr. Bigglesworth.


Personally, I'm all for using laser. I don't really need heat in my house anyway. Pretty soon my kids' floods will be able to be classified as capris. And food is just SO over-rated.

The only downside I can see to lasering is having the strength to keep from plucking those little dark hairs at the corners of your mouth out before your laser appointment. We all know if you see them, you can't get them out of your mind. "MUST. PLUCK. NOW!!!"

But I figured out a solution for that problem too: Super glue and men's work gloves! First get some over-sized men's leather gloves. Next apply super glue to your whole hands. Put on the gardening gloves and rub them all over to get them to stick. The finger tips are too thick to feel the hairs on your face. And should you catch site of a budding 13-year-old, mullet-sporting, camero-dreaming-of mustache in the mirror, don't worry. The grip with men's work gloves is too clumsy to hold tweezers! And the super-glue will wear off in a few weeks, just in time for your next appointment.

Listen, ladies. I know none of us likes those pesky upper lip hairs. Let's face it, Magnum P.I. never did look very good in a skirt and heels (except that one episode...) So let's all make a vow. NO MORE UPPER LIP HAIRS. Come hell or electrolysis (redundant?), we will be hair free!


(Oh, and gents? If you did manage to read this far, A) good for you. I hope your illusions about women haven't been shattered. B) they laser men's necks and backs too! Join us in our hairless crusade!)

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Truth or Dare

Recently Tiburon challenged her readers to a dare: Do a post showing yourself au naturale. Now you all know that I am a serious make-up wearer. I don't wear a lot, but I wear it ALL THE TIME. I wear lipstick and cover-up even if I'm in bed dying. I don't go to the gym without those two, even if I'm doing water aerobics that day. I just don't feel happy with my looks without a little man-made beauty. So this was a serious challenge to my pride, to show you the real, down and dirty me. But I'm nothing if not daring. So here goes....

Before....



After...


So now I guess I'm supposed to say something intelligent-sounding and introspective. Ahem...Let me deconstruct these two pictures:

Pic # 1: My upper lip has no color. I am having some sort of re-visitation of my 15year old skin. Only my 15-year old skin was never that bad when I was 15. Shouldn't it be against the laws of physics to have wrinkles and acne at the same time? My eyelashes are STICK STRAIGHT. My eyelash curler is my best friend. Well, my 3rd best friend after lipstick and cover-up. I have inherited super dark circles under my eyes. It doesn't matter how much I sleep. They are there making me look like I just finished a heroin binge, every day of the week. This picture doesn't really do them justice, but trust me, they are crazy dark.

Pic # 2: I have good lips. My mom felt bad for me when I was a kid because I had such full lips. Now she is jealous. As long as I wear make up. 'Cause otherwise you can't see them. I have nicely shaped eyebrows. They had Brook Shield's beat out in the 80's, but then I discovered tweezers. Oh my sweet love tweezers. Next, it took me most of my life to realize that I have great hair. I never understood all the commercials for volumizing products until I felt my sister's hair and realized that some people's hair is fine and flat (sorry, Jen). Me? No, I'd say boofy is the right word. I should have taken a picure with my hair air-dried for full effect. Anyway, the down side of super thick hair is that I have to have my stylist thin out the mass every 9-12 months, and then it still takes me 30-45 minutes to blow dry and straighten it down, one layer at a time. But I've come to realize that I might be the lucky one.

Well, that's enough of that. Overall, I'd say I'm really glad I live in this era of mascara and powder and smoothing milk for my hair. And I'm sure everyone who has to look at me is too.


What about you? Are you up for a dare???

Glitter Toe Party!

A few years ago....Ok, I guess it was a lot of years ago...I had a friend Christine who moved to Washington. And a few years later, while I was in Oregon visiting relatives, we got together. She brought me a little gift bag of various girly things, and I opened it in front of her and my brother in law. Inside was purple nail polish, purple lipstick, and some purple body glitter. My brother in law asked, "Body Glitter???" And my friend's matter-of-fact response has always stayed with me: "Yes, everyone needs their body to glitter!"

So true, Christine, so true.

So in the spirit of glittering bodies, I'm having a glitter toe party. Remember me blogging about glitter toes? Well, both my sister and sister in law who are in town wanted some. So I'm having the glitter toe lady come on Thursday 7-9 to my house. If you know me, or wish you knew me, or just want a screaming deal on some glittery toes, email me at hot booty mama at gmail dot com and if I deem you worthy to receive my personal information such as the privilege of knowing where I live, I'll send you the details. If you don't hear back? Well, just assume I think you're secretly a serial killer.

p.s. You know me well enough to know that there will be lots of delicious eats while we sit and chat and get beautified. So even if you don't want to become be-sparkled, come and get be-stuffed.