America's Grandest Bathroom

Have I mentioned before that I hate bad bathrooms? That I despise poorly-made public restroom locks and stalls? That I detest the feeling that I'm going to be barged in on at any second and that the whole world will see me sitting on the pot? I have? A few times? Hmmmm...

Well, have I mentioned how much I appreciate a good bathroom? One with tall doors, good locks, nicely appointed finish-work, and a good assortment of fine desks and chairs that will never be used because who wants to sit around in a bathroom writing letters by hand no matter how nice the desk is? I have? Twice?

Well, I have to say it one more time. My hat is off to you this time, Grand America. I would pee in your bathrooms any time, any day. And that is the truest compliment I can bestow.






So, next time you're in downtown SLC and you've got to go, might I suggest a stop at the Grand America? You won't regret it.

Peeing Scared

You know what makes me so scared I almost get stage fright and can't pee? Restaurant bathrooms that are only one room--no stalls--right off the main dining room. Because those kind of bathrooms ALWAYS have the kind of door locks that are a little button you push in on the handle. That kind of lock just doesn't say "security" to me. You can't jiggle the handle to check that it is locked, because the mechanism that makes it unlock is turning the handle. And they only go in an imperceptible amount when you push them so that there is no really clear sign that they are locked. So you have to pull down your pants and face the door that opens directly into the dining room and pray with every fiber of your being to the Almighty God that no one will try to open the door while you're using the bathroom. Because even if that door lock holds when they try to open it, which I'm always sure it won't, it still will give you a heart attack when the handle jiggles from the outside. WHY CAN'T RESTAURANTS JUST PUT A NICE BIG SLIDING BAR OF METAL ON THE DOOR THAT CAN'T BE BUSTED OPEN WITHOUT CALLING THE FIRE DEPARTMENT? And, get this, I ate at a restaurant the other day that had the stall-less ladies room opening directly onto the dining area AND IT HAD A SMOKED GLASS WINDOW ON IT!!! Are you freaking kidding me??? I held my bladder for an additional 15 minutes and then missed the first 4 minutes of my movie just so I wouldn't have to go pee pee in that bathroom from hell. People, seriously. Is this bathroom thing so hard?

Yeah For Privacy!

So in case I haven't mentioned it yet, I went to Vegas for a girls weekend. Only it wasn't the weekend. It was during the week. And it was just the two of us girls, so not really the big loud crazy-women extravaganza you might be invisioning. Actually, it did involve at least one crazy woman. I'm not naming names, but it wasn't me (coughcaracough). It was a blast. And I will blog about it. As soon as the other-woman-who-shall-remain-nameless gets off her butt and sends me some pictures (I forgot my camera).

In the meantime, here's a shout out to the Wynn Hotel. First, we did not stay there. Don't imagine for a moment that I am that rich. It's a 5 star, 5 diamond resort. Their base room is like $600. But I did go there to drop a few friends off at the lake, so to speak. And let me just say that nothing is more pleasing than to go into a public bathroom where the stalls are 10 feet high and the doors go all the way to the top of that 10 feet and to within 2 inches of the floor. No gaps between the stalls. No shabbily mounted door hinges that allow little to the imagination as women walk past your stall. And big heavy latches that let you know the door is securely locked. Steve (Wynn), you sure didn't spare any expense on these crappers, and I salute you for it. Also, if it wasn't weird to take a picture inside a woman's bathroom, I probaly would have taken a picture of the bathroom sinks cause they were the bomb too.

p.s. I'm not obsessed with public bathrooms. This is only my SECOND post on the subject. When I hit my 5th, you can call me obsessed.

Restroom Rant

Who the heck gave men permission and materials to build women's restrooms??? They have no clue what they are doing! I can't even tell you how many pulbic restrooms I've been in where it was like a 6 year old designed them and a 5 year old put them together. Here are a few of my gripes:

1) The most obvious is doors that won't stay shut or locked. First you have to build the pieces so they are parallel to each other. If you put the sides up at an angle that leans in towards each other, the door won't close. Hmmm. Tough one, I know. And it doesn't seem like it would be that hard to design a bathroom door lock that would hold the door closed and also last longer than a month. But it seems like 50%+ of bathroom doors are either missing a lock, have a lock that doesn't work, or worst, has a lock that works but doesn't line up with the other half of the lock! Who put that one together? Daffy Duck?

2) I hate it when there is nowhere to hang or set your purse. We are WOMEN. Women=purses. So there has to be a hook, shelf, or something for your purse. Otherwise you have to pee with it on your lap because you are sure as heck not setting your purse down on that filthy floor.

3) I hate it when you open the door to the stall, and the toilet paper dispenser is right there inside the door. So as you try to squeeze your way in between the toilet and the wall so you can get the door shut behind you, you bash your thigh against the toilet paper dispenser. RETARDED. Freaking put the dispenser on the opposite side of the stall where it is out of the way!

4) I also hate it when the dispenser is put in a stupid spot. The most common stupid spot is when it is approximately 6 inches off the ground. So then when you unwind the roll to get the toilet paper off, it trails all over that disgustingly dirty floor. You could try to hold the end of it with one hand as you unwound it with the other hand, but you can't because your free hand is being used trying to keep the purse on your lap from falling in the toilet. Other stupid spots include behind you where you have to be a contortionist to reach it and not fall off the toilet, and too far in front of you to reach without being Elastigirl.

5) It bugs me when someone has put a sign up that says "Please deposit your sanitary napkins in the recepticle." Who has ever in their whole life called them "sanitary napkins?" Just say "pads" since that's what they are.

6) Now lets move on to the sink area. My biggest pet peeve here is when there is no paper towel dispenser. Hand dryers are loud, slow, and ineffective. And it would be extra nice if the paper towel dispenser would dispense more than a 3 inch strip at a time.

7) I don't understand how so many people can be so messy at the sink. Ever tried to set your purse down next to the sink? Not possible. There is a huge lake next to each sink. Are people sponge bathing in these sinks? What's up with that amount of water next to each one?

8) It makes me roll my eyes when the sink's water is turned on by an automatic hand sensor, but then you have to put your dirty hands on the dirty soap dispenser to get the soap out. That makes sense.

9) Lastly, it irritates me when the papertowels are only on the ends of the sink row where only the people washing their hands in those two end spots can get to the paper towels. The rest of us have to stand there behind them with dripping hands, patiently waiting for them to finish while not trying to seem like we're rushing them.

You wouldn't think, after people have been using public bathrooms since public everthing has existed, that it would be so hard to create a bathroom that makes sense. But evidently, all the men in the bathroom building profession have never actually used one before, nor do they know any women who have ever used one. They're a bunch of single guys, sitting around, who suddenly say to themselves one day, "I'm good with Lincoln Logs; I think I'll go build a bathroom!"

What are your restroom pet peeves?