Monday, October 5, 2009

Pirate Patch(es) Needed




I want to kill myself.

Actually, that's not true. What I want is to stab both of my eyes out. But I'm pretty sure death would follow, so I might as well skip straight to killing myself.

I have double pink eye. Pink eyes, I guess you would call it. Thank you, Beck. (Aren't mothers supposed to get automatic immunity so that they can care for their young?) Beck got over it after 24 hours of antibiotic drops. Me? Not so much. I woke up on Saturday morning with my right eye red and gooey and sore. And since Beck had just been diagnosed the day before with pink eye, and I had all the symptoms, plus a triple refill from the Doc for just such an occurrence, I began self-medication right away.

Flash forward to Sunday....Beck's eyes were fine. My right eye? Completely crusted shut during the night. And swollen. I'm talking swollen nearly to the point that I couldn't open it. Here...picture three large marshmallows, large pink marshmallows, pressed together with a chocolate chip in the middle. That would be my eyeball. Yep, that's how I looked. Big Daddy said it wasn't so bad, I just needed an eye patch. Thanks, Hon.

After the hours of pain, constant wiping of goo, crusting of the lashes, and scaring of the children with my hideousness was too much to bear, I took myself to the Instacare. The doctor proceeded to poke and prod my eyeball for 20 minutes and pour at least four kinds of medication into my eye "just to see" if I might have this or that other eye problem. I didn't. So in the end I walked away with a near coronary from having my eyes poked and prodded, and a stronger eye drop prescription.

Flash forward to today. Some time during the night my right eye went from looking like I had been slugged by Ivan Drago to looking like I had been punched by Miss Piggy (that would be an improvement in case you're not sure). But my left eye? You guessed it. Crusted shut, beet red, raging.

It's not so bad, Big Daddy says. You just need another eye patch.

Darn, I'm just a few days too early to dress up as One-Eyed Willie for Halloween. Er, make that No-Eyed Willie.

Please. Just get me a nice sharp knife so I can cut my eyes out. Or a loaded gun would work too. Ok, fine. I guess a pair of eye patches will have to suffice. But could you at least make them gold-studded? ARRRR, Matey!

15 comments:

rae said...

Groooossssss. And that totally stinks, as well.

M-Cat said...

Crap Crap and triple Crap!
Pink eye sucks rocks and it's totally going around right now...

sorry friend.

jennie w. said...

I had pink eye when I was in labor with Arabella. I was having to do eyedrops in between contraction! Sucked!

Jaime Haney aka ArtsyFartsy.Me said...

ok, so I gotta ask (cause I'm feeling a little sarcastic)... are you getting Big Daddy to type in your blog for you? hee hee

get better real quick

Chelsea said...

Oh man, that sounds miserable! Why does it seem like viruses always get magnified as they're passed from our children to us?? No fair. Feel better soon!

tiburon said...

I couldn't even read this post because my eyes were watering too bad.

Kado! said...

oh...that really really SUCKS! I've never had that...and I'm knocking on wood right now...

I do have an pirate eye-patch around here some where...i'll steal it from my 4 year old while he's at school...he'll never know! ;)

alex dumas said...

A medical-type illustration would have worked nicely with this post. You already grossed us out, right? What's the harm?

Omgirl said...

Jaime, LOL. If he were typing my blog for me, we'd still be working on it! Mr. Hunt And Peck is no typist. Even with double pink eye, I win.

L. said...

OOOhhhhhhhh, poor darling baby girl! I HURT for you! I trust you are better now. And poor little Beck! Sorta glad i was in Texas, or I would now be marshmallow-eyes!

You ARE all better, I trust for the swimming tomorrow?

MiaKatia said...

That stinks. Hope you are feeling better!

SO said...

Pink eye sucks. I hope they both clear up fast.

Shawn said...

Oh, my gosh---I have had it several times!!! Maybe I shouldn't come out to Utah if it is rampant!

Michemily said...

I remember thinking when I had pink eye that I would much rather have a painful bone break or disease or something. Hope you're already doing better.

André said...

No fun. Good thing you can still blog blind.