Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Boo Humbug!

I realize that this post is going to make me sound like some kind of cranky Halloween Skelescrooge, but I can't help it. I've got some bones to pick (get it, BONES?) about Halloween and the various way people evidently enjoy spoiling it for small children.

1) No costumes at school. Really, School? Because spending a whole 7 hours in costume is going to monumentally ruin my children's long term education? The absolutely FABULOUS education they're getting? LAME. Can't they even dress up as someone historical to brain up Halloween a little? Sheesh.

2) People not giving out candy. Seriously, how hard is it to give out candy? You spend $3 on treats, turn on your porch light, and start watching TV. Every so often, get up and hand some candy out. What's so hard about that?? Well, evidently it's super hard because this year (and in past years) at least half my neighborhood didn't give out candy. Do you know how lame it is explaining to your kids over and over again that they can't go knock at that dark house because mean weirdos live there who don't like candy or children or holidays?

3) Trunk-or-treat. I'm not sure if they have this where you live, but where I live they have this strange condensed version of Halloween where instead of the kids going door to door, all the people in the neighborhood gather their cars together in a small area like a cul-de-sac or church parking lot, and the kids just go trunk to trunk as the people hand them candy. It's kinda handy if the weather is super cold. And an indoor trunk-or-treat can work well if it's rainy or snowy. But this year it was a balmy 65 degrees. And yet they did a trunk or treat. So that probably explains why the houses were all dark and no one was giving out candy. And why no kids came to my house to eat the loads of candy I bought. Trunk or treat is such a lazy killjoy version of Halloween!

4) Houses who leave their porch lights on but who aren't home. Hello? How long have you been alive?? If you're not participating in Halloween (LAME) then turn your porch light off!

5) Similarly, people who deck their house all out for Halloween with giant spiders on the facade, big blow up Frankensteins in the yard, ghosts hanging from the trees, spooky music playing from a stuffed black cat, skeletons sitting on the porch welcoming you, AND THEN THE PORCH LIGHT IS OUT NO ONE IS HOME. I like to call that FALSE ADVERTISING.

Ok, that pretty much sums it up. Stay tuned in a few weeks for my Thanksgiving and Christmas versions of griping about the holidays and how everyone else does it wrong!


Kristina P. said...

I feel bad because I think we accidentally left our light on, and weren't home. But, to be fair, we literally were finishing moving yesterday, and had lived in a condo with automatic lighting, for over six years. We never got anyone there.

Tiffany said...

You're so right. And I can't tell you how much I hate trunk-or-treat. Makes my blood boil.

Charlie N. Holmberg said...

I agree with you. I'm shocked they couldn't wear costumes to school. What the heck kind of rule is that??

And Halloween is being ruined by paranoia big time. I'm glad it was still normal when I was a kid. :/

L. said...

I LOVE Trunk or Treat in Texas because that way we get a big Ward BBQ and fashion show on a DIFFERENT night The adults dress up too! and then Halloween on the regular night. TWO Halloweens and a sort-of free meal with friends. Who would complain about that? But no costumes at school? STUPID RIP OFF!

Bjorge Queen said...

The best halloween was when I wore a donut shaped pice of foam core board around my neck with an old bedsheet as a table cloth draped over it. Then my mom bought one of those disposable foil serving platters and cut a hole in that and garnished it with parsley and carrots. I spent the entire day of school like that and it did no harm. (Well, I feel that it did no harm.) The only bad part was when people would say: "Oh, look! [Bjorge Queen] dressed up as a table!" They really were missing the whole point of the costume. Like who dresses up as furniture? HEAD ON A PLATTER! I dressed up as a HEAD ON A PLATTER! Not a "table"!

Don't even get me started on trunk or treating. Also don't get me started on changing the date of halloween to accomodate children's slepping schedules or religious dictates and then just expecting all the entire neighborhood to be aware of this new game plan and comply. One of my facebook friends actually asked "When are we doing Halloween this year?" I was like: "Didn't we go through this last year? We're doing halloween on HALLOWEEN!"
Just saying...