Magic Ingredients

Today I was eating some leftovers from dinner out last night, and I was really relishing the flavors. And it occured to me, there are certain ingredients that, when I see them listed on the menu together, will almost assuredly mean I will chose that dish and love it. They are:

capers

mushrooms

sun-dried tomatoes

spinach

goat cheese

pine nuts

pecans

roasted red peppers

fresh mozerella

polenta

mustard

green or calamata olives

I know, they're all kind of weird. But I like strong flavors. And I like everything from pasta to chicken to sea food if it's made with the above ingredients in the right combination.

What about you? Are there any ingredients you just love love love to find on the menu?

As Seen In Nerdville

Sometimes you see something kinda cool on infomercials. Sometimes you see things that are minorly intriguing on As Seen On TV ads and you're almost tempted to order one.

And then there are times like this when the stupidest, silliest looking invention any geriatric inventor has ever invented makes it on TV. I give you, the Necky...



It's a fake turtleneck! (Not a mock turtle neck. That's a whole different realm of fashion faux pas.) This is like a dickey, if you know what that is, but for those people who are too stupid to tie an actual scarf on and too lazy to wear an actual turtulneck shirt. And/or who want to look ridiculous after they take off their coat. "Keeps your kids' necks warm AND keeps them from having friends!"

The good news is, you can also use it for winter-time train robberies. Bonus!

Ok, that's all I had to say. I'll catch you later. I'm going to go back to watching TV...... in my Snuggie.

A True Christmas Miracle

After all the bitching and moaning I did about my weight this past year, I'd like to make an happy announcement:

After going off my diet approximately six weeks ago, and eating exactly whatever I felt like eating until yesterday, and not exercising at all the last 3 weeks (in fact, lying around quite a bit doing absolutely nothing) because of my eye ulcer and then my surgery, I got on the scale today and....

I was DOWN 1/2 lb!

And that, my friends, is how I know there is a Jesus.



p.s. Don't hate me. I've done my time in diet hell, I swear.



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The Sob Story

I have been continuously debating over the last week since my procedure about whether or not to post about it. I'm nothing if not a big blabber mouth about my whole life. I'm not the private type AT ALL. But for some reason I've felt hesitance about this one. Because I don't want pity? Because I don't yet have answers? Because the implications might just be too overwhelming for to me to talk about??? Is that possible? Well, I guess not, because here I am posting about it. But I'm still not 100% sure I'm doing the right thing. (Don't you love how I have built this up so that now you're all wondering if I have terminal cancer or something??) (I don't.)

Ok, so the back story--I suffered from unexplained infertility when trying to conceive (TTC) my first child. We had every test under the sun done and tried all kinds of medical intervention. There was nothing wrong with either of us, yet nothing seemed to work. Eventually, after 17 LONG months of negative pregnancy tests and one miscarriage, I got pregnant and it stuck. Viola, Daphne. I nursed Daphne for 6 months, and days after I finished, I got pregnant again. This was a total surprised to me since I had no idea I could get pregnant easily. That pregnancy ended up in an ectopic with emergency surgery. They were able to save the tube, but not the pregnancy. Yet 3 weeks later, I got pregnant again and, voila, Beck.

So after one eternally long attempt at TTC and three quick pregnancies, I thought my infertility days were long gone.

But after two kids, back to back (18 months apart), I felt like I needed a break. That break turned into a longer break than originally anticipated because I wasn't ready when I thought I would be, and finally, early this summer, we decided we were ready for another baby. Well, here we are in January--no baby.

So I made a trip to the doc, just to rule out any problems. (I thought I might have endometriosis on my ovaries because of 6-8 days of killer pain when I ovulate that couldn't be explained any other way.) The doctor suggested several options: we could get an HSG (a procedure where they look at you under x-ray and shoot contrast dye through your tubes to make sure they're open) or go straight for a laproscopy, which would diagnose and clean off any endometriosis. He also did some hormone testing to make sure I was ovulating (which I was). After I left his office, I thought I really wasn't prepared to do either thing. Both are expensive. Neither are very fun. And I figured since I had gotten pregnant before, I'm sure I could again. I was probably just being too impatient.

Then I had brunch with a girlfriend who had had a similar situation, ended up having major endo removed, and got pregnant lickity split. After our talk, I decided maybe I should go ahead and get the laproscopy done after all and see if it was endo. I told me doc and we set up the surgery. The doc planned on doing a chromotubation at the same time (like an HSG, to test the tubes).

Now we're up to date.

I had the surgery last week, and the results are in! No endo! (Cheer!) However, both my tubes are blocked. (Boo! Hiss!) How the heck that happened, we don't know. Well, we do know that the right tube was damaged from the ectopic. But ironically, that tube did let just a touch of dye through. It's the good (left) tube that's completely blocked. He couldn't figure out what the blockage was, for some reason. But he did say that while pregnancy had a very slim possibility of occurring after ovulating on the right side, it would probably end ectopic as well.

SO....now the big questions. Are more kids possible? Do I want to spend a fortune on IVF, which is my only option if nothing changes with the tubes? Is there surgery that can fix this? Will it cause more damage? Should I go the homeopathic route and try herbs and fertility massage first? Do I really want to pay out thousands of dollars to try to get pregnant? Should I just pray and wait? OR...Am I done with kids? See? Deep thoughts.

Anyway, there you have it. The story of the barren wasteland that is my womb. In case you wondered.

Death To Carmike

You should know right up front that I do not wish violence against someone named Carmike. But I do wish a moderate amount of violence against a certain horrible movie theater.

It started last week when Big Daddy and I decided to go see Avatar in 3D. We had some free movie passes to a Carmike movie theater. They were a gift last year from some friends and they were going to expire this year on New year's Eve. So we had to use them, and soon. But we don't live anywhere near a Carmike theater. There is one in 20 minutes away in one direction. And there is one 30 minutes away in the other direction. There are at least 6 movie theaters closer, 3 of which you can get reserve seating for (the BEST INVENTION EVER), so we have no cause to ever go to a Carmike. But we didn't want to waste these tickets either, so we decided to head north and, since I had to get some lab work done at the hospital where I was going to have my procedure the following day, only a mile away from the theater, to kill two birds with one stone.

BIG MISTAKE.

First of all, the Carmike we chose refused to honor our gift passes. It didn't say anywhere on the tickets that there were restrictions on using them, but the girl said it would "screw up her computer" if she tried to use them for a 3D movie. Big Daddy offered to pay the difference between the regular movie and the 3D price, but she just wouldn't budge. So he ended up just giving his tickets to the person behind him and paying full price for the movie. AFTER WE'D DRIVEN HALF AN HOUR OUT OF OUR WAY TO ATTEND THIS THEATER.

Next, the candy supply at this theater was abysmal. They had tops, 8 candy choices. And among those were fruit snacks and raisins (not Raisinettes, ACTUAL raisins), so I'm pretty sure those don't even count. I'm not much of a candy eater. It's a rare day that I ever eat movie theater candy. But I was trying to make the most of my no-diet holiday. So on this day, they let me down. Big time.

Problem #3, the theater had NO HEAT. I'm not joking. It was nearly as cold in the theater as outside. I hadn't brought gloves, and I was sorry. My hands were like ice and I had to wrap them up in my scarf to keep them warm. My nose, the only area outside my hood (yes, I was wearing a hood IN the theater) and exposed to the air, got redder and colder throughout the movie. By the end, my teeth were actually chattering. My husband, the human heater, was even freezing, despite his new stay-puffed coat. And as we looked around in the theater, everyone was huddled close together with their coats heaped on top of them like blankets.

And then as we were leaving the theater, we overheard a man talking to the manager and ticket girl about the fact that she wouldn't honor his movie passes. And so they let him use them!

At that point, we decide to let the manager know how awful our experience had been. And when I told him there had been no heat in our theater, he asked which movie we'd attended. "Avatar 3D," I said. "3D?" he asked, "Not the regular one??" Rough translation: Oh. I knew the heat wasn't working in the regular theater, but not the 3D one too.

What a piece-of-crap theater. You can be sure I will never, ever go there again. Not even for free tickets. And should they find a few boxes of nasty Snow Caps stuffed with C4 in their concession stand, I don't know anything about them.

(And despite all that, Avatar was still absofreakinglutely AMAZING. See it. See it NOW. And be sure to go to the 3D. It's unbelievable.)

Sleeping Like A Baby

So here's where it might get a little disturbing for some of you...

I LOVE GOING UNDER ANESTHESIA.

Yes, I'm for real.

No, I'm not sure why. I'm not sure I can even explain it to myself. I just know that I look forward to it every time I know I'm going to go under.

Maybe it's because I really love sleeping so much, and general anesthesia is the deepest, darkest, most velvety sleep you can ever get.

Maybe some twisted part of me likes the rush, the flirtation with death, allowing myself to be made unconscious and waiting to see if I come out again.

Maybe it's because for 5 or 6 hours I get to do absolutely nothing. And have people wait on me hand and foot. To say "I'm thirsty" and have someone bring me some water. And to say, "I want juice" and to have someone take the water away and bring me an array of juices. Or to say "I'm cold" and have someone bring me a freshly baked blanket. (Yeah, that could be it right there. The piping hot blankets are pretty freaking amazing.)

Maybe it's knowing that for half of a day there will be no diapers, no spills, no dirt, no sippy cups, no whining and screaming (except my own, of course, should I feel so inclined) and no one will ask anything more difficult of me than to try to open my eyes now and then.

Whatever it is--I know it must be wrong--but I just can't help but love when they put that mask on my face and say, "Breathe deep. I'm going to give you something to relax..."

New Year's Wishes

For the New Year I Wish...


For a brother in law's continued sobriety

For a son to be potty trained

For a father in law's continued employment

For a husband's invention to come to fruition

To be one step closer to buying a new house, in a new neighborhood, with a garage and a heater that doesn't crackle and pop all night

For a pregnancy miracle

For a real best friend

For thinner hips

For more patience

For a sister in law to realize how wonderful she is and to leave behind anyone who doesn't feel the same.

For more energy

To give more time to my kids and not my computer

For more summer rain

For more time with my relatives

For a few more birdies and a few more pars

For safety, and health, and wealth and wisdom.




And if I can't have all of this, I wish to be happy with what I have.



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